Friday, July 28, 2006
♥ 7:07 PM
kinda snapped today. lots of problems, veri tight schedule. been chasing after time everyday. i was supposed 2 go 4 a maths thing yest after sch but cox my fren told me we had 2 do project I and if i dun turn up they cant do e project. and this project can help dem in their o lev results so 2 dem it's veri important. i tried 2 explain 2 my maths teacher but he asked me 2 reschedule my thing or find a substitude myself. but everybody seemed 2 have sth on. so i went 2 my maths cher again and he made e whole class stand and questioned 1 by 1 who cant make it and y. i felt realli bad when he did this. it's like it's my problem but cox i forgot i got proj I e whole class is being questioned. e worse thing is dat e remainding ppl wif nth on all have 2 stay back cox nobody is willing 2 replace me! i felt realli veri guilty. den after they left 4 e maths thing my fren came up 2 tell me proj I cancelled. i was shocked. but after sch end it was alrd 330 and i had 2 go 4 cg. so i sneaked out of sch went home bathe and went cg. today cher asked me how did my proj I went. i tried 2 lie saying dat it was okie. but i guess he alrd knew. so i told him it was cancelled last min. and he blamed me 4 not going down 2 support my class as all e others went. i apologised and he said i should apologise 2 e rest not him. when this happened i really snapped. cox i know it's not i dun wanna go. and he asked me," do u noe wad's ur problem? u should have gone down 2 help dem. it's ur responsibility. instead if sneaking away like dat." i realli duno wad 2 say. was he saying dat i was irresponsible? in e first place i did not go home 2 slp, i had cg! but obviously e sch wun accept dat as an excuse. to dem my church programmes are always deemed as not important. but 2 me it's veri imporatant and over nth will i choose sch over church. sch has taken up 3/4 of my week. cant they let me do my church things with e rest of my time? and right from e beginning i was in this mess cox of all my responsibilities. and he's telling me dat i am irresponsible!? i dun get it! and everthing is so last min. chers do things last min, students do things last min. it's not like they r chasing after time like me rite? they go out and enjoy after sch while i struggle with my leadership roles and time arrangement. i tot 2 myself.." wad do they noe?" they din even check wif me y din i turn up. i always turn up in sch tired stressed out. always rushing 2 places, rushing 2 do things. they dun even ask y. things r always last min and they expect me 2 follow. im realli stressed out by all these. everything is practically clashing. i dun get it.. am i trying too hard? doing too many things? i tried 2 make a difference in e badm team by coming out wif 1 whole load of duties, i made an attendance list which i dun have 2 do at all, i came out wif plans and ideas which e team would gladly do without. all these things r suppose 2 be done by e teacher. but y am i trying so hard? jux cox e teacher has high expectations on me? is dat a gd reason? i realli duno. im juz a student, i shouldn't be doing all these. trying 2 arrange a prayer meet is so hard. i can have everythign done up but nobody turns up. i have plans 4 dem, things 2 tell dem, but they r jux not on fire. i realli dun understand. times i realli felt like giving up. chasing after time is so tiring. when was e last time i had e proper break from all these? i realli duno. my time is planned so ahead. my sep sch holidays i onli have 2 days of holiday. wad kind of holiday is this? ppl jux come 2 me with a consent form and take up 1 day of my holidays. and on e consent form i cant even choose if i wanna go or not. it's jux 4 my parents 2 sign 2 prove dat they noe i will be in sch. it's my time they r taking away and they dun even give me a choice. im tired of all these. i wanna give up and they will tell me give up on all ur other leadership but not this. at e end of e day i dun get 2 give up at all. when i do sth extra 4 dem they nvr ask me why. but when i fail 2 do sth they will always tell me off without asking me why. i oso feel like asking dem why. why cant i give up? why cant i have a choice? i realli feel like taking a long break.. go overseas where all these things are far far away and spend a few days by e beach...
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
♥ 8:20 PM
finally some free time 2 blog. hee!! today dad went back bangkok. i went airport 2 see him off after sch at e budget terminal. when i went dere, it felt as thou i was in malaysia! omg! dat place is small and ugly! i was complaining all e way for like 1hr? but okie la.. at least got like.. 1 restaurant and nth else. hahha!! nth much happened today oso.. except during chi lesson. we were eating in class, passing pokki, gummy bears around e class. den some stupid boy shouted across e class dat i was eating. so i shouted back," wad's ur problem!" but cher nvr come check la. hee! den got this other boy oso complain say this gal eating. den e gal pass e food 2 e boy den he raise it up and cher saw den cher say is he himself eating cox gal no evidence but he got evidence dat he was eating. so everybody ended up luffing. but e pokki was confiscated. den after chi lesson somebody passed me e pokki dat cher confiscated..hahha!!! so i ate it! yay!! think dat's was e onli interesting thing dat happened during sch ba. last sunday went east coast after service. i had accident wif bicycle=,( e bicycle langa into me! she cut into my lane and as dere were 2 kinds beside me i had no where 2 siam.. den "bang!" i landed on my back. ouch! after i fell my whole back was numb.. i so scared i paralysed sia! cox e impact was quite heavy and i landed veri close 2 my backbone.. jux a few cm away.. and it was VERI PAIN!!! ahhhh!! e lady keep wanting 2 help me up but it was realli too painful.. so i kept praying in tongues and signaled 2 her 2 not touch me.. but luckily i manged 2 stand up and within a few seconds was able 2 continue blading.. cox i langa quite far away from kelvin's van.. so if i cant move den jia lat le. thank God i was able 2 continue blading without much pain back 2 kelvin's van. e pain onli came when i reached home.. i could not sit or lie down!!! ahhh!!! had a terrible time slping!! and next day in sch had a tough time sitiing on my chair and carrying my bag. cox sit down sure will kena dat injured pain de. unless i sit on my right butt onli which most of e time it's impossible..so jux had 2 tahan. and when carrying bag, my bag would hit against my back and it is super pain!! so i had 2 use my hand 2 support.. den now my hand veri pain.. ahhh!! so now i cant do push ups and sit ups.. haix.. muz control diet le.. if not will become fat. boo hoo!! but now feeling better le.. can sit down and lie down slowly if dun touch directly at e injured spot=) now still got blue black.. wait e blue black no more le if still pain den i going see doc. okie la.. gonna stop here le.. need go do cca admin stuff b4 e team kill me. hee!!
Monday, July 17, 2006
♥ 5:56 PM
today got 2 perform in front of whole sch. played power of your love. my partner strum, i pluck. it was total shit la.. nvr even prepare e stuff.. haix.. i got realli upset after e thing. i mean realli realli upset. all e way till recess i was not listening 2 teacher tok at all!! i was doing my own stuff, writing, drawing, trying all ways possible 2 vent my frustration. i got so upset i almost cried in class. im not sure if my expectations are too high or wad. but if i wanna do sth i wanna give it my best shot and i dun nid ppl or circumstances ruining my whole thing. i was pulling a long face e whole day. wad a way 2 start a week heh? haix.. whole class sing, 2 guitars, 1 mic.. pathetic! nobody planned anything! e worst part was cher last min decided 2 add music!!! how 2 play wif music sia!!! timing sure cannot synchronise de! sure enuff we were 1 line behind e music. it was realli terrible!!! after sch got cca den last min no courts!! see! nvr plan again!! argh!! i brought like my whole badm bag!!! bring guitar somemore!! veri heavy leh!! but lucky got some veri veri veri nice ppl!! see i small small angry angry help me carry my badm bag=) but sch was a total shit la! all cox of hymn singing. haix.. dun wanna tok bout unhappy stuff le.. tok bout yest ba.. yest after service a few of us went east coast blade! xiangcen decided 2 try 2 blade and jonathan learned how 2 blade. xc is veri scary!!! first she almost fell into e long gou(which almost made my heart pop out of my mouth), den she tried 2 push me into e shower(which she thinks it's fun), and she kept poking me!!!! argh!!! as 4 jonathan, he's THE most difficult 2 teach blader i've ever came across! woahx! had a super duper tiring time trying 2 explain and demo 2 him how 2 stand up. nevertheless.. jia you!!! i belive u can make it de!!! hee!! after writing bout happy stuff, im feeling much better le!! yay!! haha!! tml is my investiture.. xc and steve will be my papa and mama for 1 day!! and i like jux found out my frenz like all going alone..oops!!hee!! below are some pics dat i took while at east coast!
BEST pic i've eva taken! emo(not a bird) kelvin!
xc and me. i wanted 2 get e view of e sunset but our heads always seem 2 be blocking!
jonathan enjoying learning blading!!
