Monday, March 27, 2006
♥ 9:52 PM
today's veri frustrating.. ARGH!! i cant stand this!!! in sch no mood 2 study, too tired le. morning wake up sorethroat, veri pain. forgot to inform new players of training den they nvr bring racket. so have '2 rush home n get 4 dem. went cca, eric die die oso wanna do things his way. mr khoo suddenly become veri strict. duno wad he say 2 esther oso den make her cry bcoz she nid leave early. den liwen told me she would be late 4 10 min end up late 4 20 min. she told me her cher held her back till 4 n she wanna go eat dat y late. but eric say he saw her 3+ taking bus. i realli duno who 2 believe le.. bu bu is so lost..den when liwen came training i punished her 30 push ups 4 being late and i told her dat i will do with her. coz i blame myself 4 not being strict in e past dat's y she dare 2 come late. den eric say dun do, later den do. den i told him dere's nth liwen can do now except push ups, coz she juz ate n she can onli choose 2 do push ups, run, or do footwork. so i heck care eric n continued doing push ups with liwen. so till bout 20 she stopped le but i still remained at push up position. i ask her continue 2 do. she toked a bit den continued 2 do. she had some breaks in between but i remained at push up position all along. till no. 28 she said she dun wanna do le den she juz got up n walked away. so i got up too n at dat moment i realli felt veri hurt. coz i punish myself 4 her being late yet she did not appreciate dat. b4 she came i and e team ran 10 rounds around e courts and did 2 sets of footwork plus im sick and tired. i endured e training and tried 2 touch other's lives by showing dem dat i care. yet this is wad i get, n eric did not approve of wad i did neither did mr khoo. after dat i turned 2 e sec 2s and asked dem if they had done their 3rd set. they said they did it le. so 2 be fair i went 2 do my 3rd set of footwork. as i was doing i heard dem say,"she veri ke lian leh" den they all got up n did their footwork. all i wanted 2 do is 2 add some love into this cca, into badminton. coz dat was wad made me love badminton so much. i remember when i was in sec 1. i did not have any frenz, i did not wanna go training. but my seniors treated me so nice, they showed me dat they cared, dat they enjoyed playing with me. they made training so fun. they made me love going for trainings so much dat even though i am sick i would still go. 2 e extend whereby my frenz find dat im e onli person in e whole world dat loves my cca so much. and now dat my seniors have left, badminton felt so strange. now im e capt of e team and i wanna change this, i wanna make my team into wad it was 2 yrs ago. but after wad happened today, liwen, esther, eric, mr khoo. i realli duno. they make me feel as though badminton is dead, stale,loveless, black and white. juz like wad it felt like when i juz got in. i realli lost all motivation 2 do anything 4 e team. i went 2 training full of hope, full of ideas 2 change e team, so dat we will train hard n play hard. but nobody gave me e chance. i think i nid 2 stop trying 2 change things 4 awhile.... came home from cca, jacinta told me her cher called up our parents coz jacinta too many days din go sch le they presume dat she is playing truant. they said dat if she still continues like this, they would expel her. my parents were furious. at dat moment i noe im dead already. they would sure be more strict with us from now on. i dun mind dem being strict, but e problem is dat e things whereby they r supposed 2 be strict they heck care and e things whereby they r not suppose 2 care dat much, they care alot. jacinta is a veri gd example. if onli they retsricted more of her phone calls, sms, tok 2 her a bit more, try 2 tolerate her bad temper and tok things out with her, try 2 understand her more, she would not be so unreasonable, bad tempered, ill mannered. i realli dun get it, y is my sister so different from me? everytime she creates a problem i have 2 suffer e consiquences, this is so unfair! when will she learn to grow up?
Saturday, March 25, 2006
♥ 9:18 PM
today morning went play badminton with yan lin's frenz den played quite vigurous. i suddenly have difficultly breathing den thomson went buy hot water 4 me. i used 2 have difficulty breathing when i played too vigurously but nvr this serious b4. so i suspect i got asthma. den after dat went cg n blading lessons den went church 4 pos meeting. chiong all e way dere den meeting cancelled. i was quite frustrated, coz i could have continued blading with dem den no nid waste $ take cab. but e gal when tell me smile smile at me den sounded veri sorry, so this kinda cheered me up. when reached home decided 2 tell mommy bout my asthma attack. den i told her i wanna go see doc, coz last time when i cant breathe nvr so serious b4. not only did she nvr immediately bring me downstairs 2 see doc, she told me," see, see, tell u dun drink so much cold drinks le!" den i tried 2 tell her dat my asthma was not becoz of drinking cold drinks but bcoz of intensive sports and it did not occur veri often. but she showed no intension of listening, so i juz agreed with wadeva she said n left her room. few mins later she came into my room and told me dat if i went 2 see a doc and doc says dat i got asthma, she would sell my dog. den i was shocked! as she continued saying, i tried 2 tell her dat e dog wun affect my condition. but she continued 2 try 2 bring her point accross, i started 2 cry and stayed silent. she den ended with"go downstairs see doc", den i replied "i dun wanna see doc le". she toked a bit more n left my room. at dat moment i tot 2 myself," wad's more important 2 her? my illness or selling my dog? if she realli cares, cant she bring me down 2 see a doc first? other things can talk some other time. y settle everything now? till in e end i did not even wanna see a doc." it's not i wanna be rebellious or duno wad is more important. but if my parents r gonna ask me 2 give up my dog or badminton it's definately a 100% NO!! this 2 things r 2 of e most important and precious things to me, taking dem away is equal to taking away my life. sometimes i realli pray dat my parents can have wisdom 2 take care of me n my sis. things dat r important n urgent they dun care, things dat r not as important they rush 2 settle dem...
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
♥ 5:21 PM
back 2 sch again.. haix.. sianz..=( got back my results. im short of 1 mark 2 get A 4 bio!!! argh!! E maths did quite badly( 36/60) A maths oso(33/60) but A maths i got 4th in class. eng & chi both veri disappointing, coz both juz nice pass. chinese i had veri high expectations as i felt dat my compo is quite unique and i fulfilled everything dat e ques ask. i dun understand y i got 25/50. today had sportsheats 2. i got javelin n shot put. i expected 2 get 2nd 4 javelin but ended up wif 2 faul throws.. haix. but unexpectedly my shot put got 2nd!
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
♥ 9:12 PM
today mr njoo my bio cher came into class n immediately flew into a rage. he scolded us 4 e bio paper we took yest. he said out e stupid mistakes we made. he said he guessed it would come out so he went thru it in during his lessons n it realli came out, yet we duno how 2 do. he said i remember using e oven as an example, raw meterials n conditions. e ques on photosynthesis conditions n raw meterials. he scolded, "y they ask for conditions u all give me water n carbon dioxide?" den he scolded," 4 marks gone!" den he went thru somemore ques and continued scolding. den he said," register no.2!! i noe u r charmaine rite?" den i raised my hand. coz im reg no. 2 den he said "e first 4 register no. did veri badly, u ought 2 be shot dead!!!" at dat moment wad he said realli impacted deeply into my heart. i was close 2 tears, but i held back. coz bio is e onli subject im realli realli confident of scoring A1. in my heart i was thinking," if my bio gets any lesser than A im not gonna forgive myself" i cant believe dat im so dumb 2 put starch instead of glycogen. how can starch be found in human body!?! ARGH!!!! in class, im like gonna cry anytime. i was realli pissed wif myself. i kept praying in tongues 2 control my emotions. wad's worse is dat im having maths paper after dat. im realli not in e mood 2 do anything, not to mention a maths paper. i juz felt like confiding in somebody, have a good cry. when i was in e hall 4 sports leader meeting, when i spoke, my voice changed, my eyes were redish. i realli cannot get dat line out of my head," first 4 register no. ought 2 be shot dead!"
Thursday, March 02, 2006
♥ 10:09 PM
had sports heats on tues. took part in all 3 field events n 100m. i got into finals 4 javelin n shot put and got 2nd 4 high jump. e height was 1.2+ den i din manage 2 cross. my back hit e pole den i landed on e pole twice. now my back veri pain. cant lie down, cant lean back ='( i din wanna run 100m de. but still ran in e end and got into finals oso i think. but i still dun feel like running 100m, maybe on sports day i dun run. hee! 1 whole day on e track made me look more tan le! yay!yest i had e dumbest badm training ever! nobody brought racquet coz today they got combine humanities. nobody intended 2 go 4 training. but cher force us go, he threaten say wanna deduct cca points, even scolded capt. after much discussion we decided go hall study, juz 4 attendance sake. so we studied at backstage till 5+. realli was a total waste of time! coz backstage was veri warm n dim. can barely study in dere. if study on stage worse! e boys playing badm. cannot on fan, warmer!common test coming le, doing revision 4 my maths n sci now. trying veri hard 2 think out of e box 2 solve maths ques. trying veri hard 2 fit e whole digestion process n nutrition in plants into my puny little brain. haix... i wanna go blading!!!!!
