bu bu little world

2011-01-04T21:44:00.002+08:00

hello. i think this blog has accompanied me for long enough. maybe coming 5 years? so, i've decided that it's about time for a new environment (: if you wanna continue stalking me please feel free to go to http://calibeee.livejournal.com/

bye bye(:

2011-01-01T20:22:00.003+08:00

Happy 1/1/11!

well, i gotta say that 2010 has indeed been a year full of wonderful memories, experiences, overall, it's indeed been the best year yet. For a start, thank you Father for giving me the best first job on earth (: I really enjoyed this job especially all the special friends i've made here. I know many of you will never see my blog, but still i gotta say, you people made 2010 soooo special for me cox you guys came into my life! and 08S07 girls, this year made me realize how much you girls mean to me. life's soooo sad without you girls with me every day ): no la, it's not that sad. i mean, i wish to be in 08S07 forever if i could (: This has really been the MOST enjoyable year for me. And lastly, this thank you came like 2 years late, but still, thank you God for weiwen. and thank you weiwen for fulfilling your purpose in my life even though i know it's not intentional (:

2010-11-28T00:40:00.005+08:00

I won't talk
I won't breathe
I won't move till you finally see
that you belong with me

you might think
I don't look
but deep inside in the corner of my mind
I'm attatched to you
mmmm

I'm weak
it's true
cause I'm afraid to know the answer
do you want me too?
cause my heart keeps falling faster

[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
to the only thing thats true
so I will not hide
i'ts time to try anything to be with you
all my life I've waited
this is true

you don't know
what you do
everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move

I'm weak
it's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
do you see me too?
do you even know you met me

[Chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
to the only thing thats true
so I will not hide
its time to try anything to be with you
all my life I've waited
this is true

I know when I go
I'll be on my way to you
the way that's true

[chorus]
I've waited all my life to cross this line
to the only thing thats true
so I will not hide
its time to try anything to be with you
all my life I've waited
this is true

I used to like this song a lot last time. I've been reminded these 2 weeks that songs really expresses someone. Sometimes i really feel that at times when we ourselves have no idea what we want or how we're feeling, the songs we choose to listen to speaks best (: studying these 2 weeks has made me rather melancholic? i have no idea why seriously. HAHA! i just saw something very funny. from wikipedia "In a modern context, "melancholy" applies only to the mental or emotional symptoms of depression or despondency" LOL! no wonder im feeling this way. study indeed can bring about depression. haha. im just kidding. i dont mean it that way. hmm, i think it's better expressed as melancholic + nostalgic = kind of what im getting at. anyway, yesterday's cell was about being true. maybe this song kinds of expresses me? HAHA. i know i dont usually write about this kind of stuff on my blog. But then again, isn't it better that im writing it here? it's called " journey to being real ". HAHA. life's not all about revelations anyway (:

2010-11-21T18:14:00.002+08:00

something made me kind of guilty today. it is so true when pastor said that one dollar seems so "BIG" in church and so "small" in a mall. is it our self-righteousness acting up? that makes us feel like " oh my goodness, i'm giving God so much " when we give let's say $50. i mean it's really a lot! i mean, for my age at least, how often does that amount come out of my pocket as offering? maybe once or twice a year? but how often does that amount come out of my pocket in a mall? i gotta say almost more than once every week. how can we feel casual about spending $50 on a meal but have so much difficulty giving it to God? plus time and time again when we freely give to God, we've experienced His multiplication miracle happening to us. and yet every time when He calls us to freely give, we struggle. so weird eh? didn't the Bible ask us to store up treasures in heaven where it cant be destroyed? but then again, end of the day, what i'm trying to put across here is not the money, but the attitude. i mean, He loves us so much that He gave His son. and yet we struggle so much when we're called to give Him some time to serve, to pray, to just spend time with Him. i'm not trying to make whoever's reading this feel guilty too. HAHA. i mean, it's my blog. i'm just writing my reflections (: perhaps, i'm the one who's gonna need to read this in the future?

2010-10-30T23:17:00.003+08:00

okay. there's this other post that i wanna put up cox i feel that God is speaking very strongly in this area to me these few weeks. complacency.

Sometimes along our christian walk, things will just seem like a routine. we attend cell groups on friday, service on sunday. and by doing these, we "fulfill" our christian duties for the week. in a sense, we're not backsliding. but yet i wont consider that to be on fire for God. here comes the terrible thing.. we actually feel spiritually satisfied by this.

Revelation 3:16 (New International Version)
So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.

i heard a sermon a few weeks ago which really touched my heart. and in it, the preacher says "the curse of our generation is that we're very shallow in our convictions" we are deceived by the devil into thinking that it's perfectly okay to live our christian lives this way. the devil knows very well that especially for people who have been christians for quite awhile that he cant do much about making us not believe in God for we have already experienced Him. So in turn, the devil deceives us into believing in a mediocre christian life; just by going for cell group, church service, serve in a ministry, that just by doing these christian acts, that it is ENOUGH. BUT IT'S NOT! so often we tend to take our relationship with God for granted. We appear okay before others. standing strong, that even if we dont attend one church service or one cell group meeting, skip a few quiet times, we're not gonna be shaken, we're not gonna lose our faith. Just like a tree which appears to be big and strong but the fact is that our roots are shallow. We pray with powerful vocab, with a loud voice, but without substance. we counsel with the standard verses, say the standard things that has been drilled into us without really hearing from the Holy Spirit. i mean, what glory is there? it may appear to be okay. it really will appear to be alright before others. but seriously? is this the christianity we want?

We need to guard our relationship with God with every ounce we have in us. it is so easy for us to slip back into complacency if we dont guard our hearts and minds well. we need to constantly remind ourselves why in the first place did we love Him, what are the areas that He's come true for us, what are the breakthroughs that He's blessed us with. constantly have a thankful heart, a humble heart. we cant afford to live this one life we have in complacency. There are so many things that He has planned for us

1 Corinthians 2:9 (New International Version)
However, as it is written:
"No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love him"

There are so many things that He wants to accomplish through us. let's not be satisfied with a dose of christianity. let's not settle for prayers without substance. let's not say things we dont hear the Spirit say or do things that doesn't glorify God. We need to have our convictions imprinted deep into our being. conviction of keeping the sabbath, commitment to cell group, to prayer, to worship, to fasting, ect.

1 Timothy 4:12 (New International Version)
... set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity.

2010-10-30T23:16:00.002+08:00

I read this in a friend's blog and was tremendously blessed by it and i hope it blesses you too (:

I’ve always wondered why God created man. Why a totally self-sufficient God would create these minute, seemingly insignificant little creatures and place them on planet Earth, allow them to mess up His creation in every possible way, and then send His one and only Son to die for us so we can have a relationship with Him.

Why in the universe would God do that? Why would God create man?

Somehow the seemingly vague answer that He did it out of love never really satisfied me. I mean, that just doesn’t make much sense… Creating something out of love? Who does that?

We do.

Why do people choose to have children? In a marriage where not having children doesn’t mean the marriage is any less complete?

Because of love. Love for each other, and love for the child that hasn’t even arrived. Because people want to love. They want to love their child, whom they’ve brought into the world. Because they have love to give, and even if it means 9 months of morning sickness for the mother and 9 months of suffering unending PMS for the father, they’d willingly go through all that to bring a child into a world full of chaos.

If people really love their children-to-be, why would they want to bring them into a fallen world, filled with pain and suffering, knowing that their children would definitely face hurt in their lifetimes? Because they know that the love they show their children will help bring them through those dark moments in life. And also because part of them wants to leave their mark in the world, and the best way would be to love their children and touch their lives, so that they, in turn, can love their children.

All parents want their children to reflect their goodness. All parents want their children to grow up to be great people. And when that happens, others who look upon their children will say to them, “You guys are great parents. You brought up your children well.”

Isn’t that so much like God? Sometimes I wonder why God would create man. Allow us to mess up His perfect creation, and then continue allowing us to live in it. Sometimes it almost seems cruel to allow us to live in a world filled with pain and suffering, which really is a world we brought upon ourselves, no matter how much people choose to blame God or deny His love or deny His existence.

And as we wallow in our self-pity and self-righteously declare how unjust and unloving God is to allow suffering, we epic-ly fail to acknowledge our part to play in all of that. I do mean all of that. As we focus on our self-centeredness, our problems, our needs, our situations, our circumstances, we completely forget that God’s love is enough to see us through. Every single thing.

And no, that doesn’t mean that our problems mysteriously, or divinely, disappear. Nor does it even mean our problems are any smaller when we receive God’s love (which is there for us 24/7). It just means that we know that God is in control, that God is infinitely bigger and more powerful than any problem we can possibly face, and that He understands how we feel and yet loves us unconditionally.

Amazing.

And then I wonder how in the world we, as insignificant, sinful, self-centered, foolish human beings can ever, ever possibly come close to reflecting God’s love and glory. Which really is His purpose for creating us in the first place – to reflect His glory.

I guess it’s a choice, isn’t it? We can either continue living the way we are – sinful, self-centered, foolish, and every possible negative adjective, or we can make the seemingly painful, sacrificial, and heart-wrenching, but ultimately totally fulfilling, satisfying, and peace-bringing decision to live for God, fulfil His purpose, and reflect His glory.

And no, we can’t do it on our own. We can make that decision, and we have to be the ones to make the decision and go all out for it, but it is God who works in us and through us, when we allow Him to, to reflect His glory.

Maybe you disagree with me, but… that realization (which has ended up much longer than it was initially) has helped me understand a little bit more of why God would ever create us.

2010-10-21T00:15:00.002+08:00

All things happen for a reason.

I believe that God allows us to go through different trials and temptations to empower us to help others. i believe that the greatest trial in our lives will be our greatest testimony when we overcome it. However, i think that a very normal response for most people is to run away from it? at least i felt that way all this while. for example, if you were an addict of gambling, and by the grace of God you've overcome it. and now all of a sudden you find your life filled with gamblers. what would you do? i doubt many people will actually respond by saying," Praise for Lord for throwing me right back where you saved me from! " LOL! i think most people will think of it this way," Lord, why?" HAHAHA! that's exactly how i feel. but nonetheless, i believe that this time it's different. that i'm empowered with greater grace to not only help myself, but also others.

Father, i pray that You'll help me guard my heart above all else. Let Your grace be more than sufficient.

2010-10-17T14:33:00.003+08:00

God's really amazing.

it's simply so amazing for the creator of e universe to be so deeply interested in our very individual lives, right to the very precise details. How can this be? there can be no other way to explain this except for His grace and mercy. well, i've been thinking a lot recently. and just like what pastor shared, i do believe that in this crisis, it's not just pastor alone whom God is testing. im not sure about others, but one thing i know, it's that He's testing me too. God, being God, can simply remove all the evil in e world, or at least just stop it from happening. the trials, tribulations, temptations, He can get rid of them all this very instant. But why doesn't He? I believe it's cox He respects us, He loves us, He longs to have a relationship with us.

If he took all e pain and suffering away, wouldn't we be so complacent? we wouldn't know how to treasure the blessings we've been given. but then again, you may argue " why not He just creates us to behave like Jesus, to think like Jesus. Then we'd be all made perfect and have a super sense of righteousness, super sense of gratitude, and all that good stuff" If that happens, then we'd all be photocopies of one another. we'd lose our personality, we'd lose our free will. the fact that we are who we are is because of what we've gone through. the ONLY way to grow is by breaking through trials. They shape us into who we are. and hopefully, who God wants us to be. most of the time when im in a trial, I'd ask Him ," why this again? I thought i passed this test the previous time?" But slowly i realised, it's not just about passing one type of test once, it's to pass it again and again and again. cox what He's looking for is not a one time conviction, it's not a one time commitment, it's not a one time obedience. but again and again He'll test until you're hard-pressed on every side, till you are so tired of fighting, and just surrender everything to Him. anw, i have no idea how did i end up writing about this when this is not what i wanted to talk about. haha

i wanted to talk about God. How speechless I am toward Him as i know Him more and more. I mean His goodness is beyond what words can describe, beyond what any human being can possibly or will possibly do. How can THE magnificent God be interested in every single detail of our lives? who are we to deserve this? i dont even think i've planned every single detail of lucky's life, or will even plan for my child's life in that manner in the future. besides creating us, besides sending His son to save us, once we allow Him to come into our lives, He plans our education, plans for our career, plans for the friends He wants us to have, plans for the spouse He's prepared for us, plans for every single human being who will come into our lives, plans for every single step that we take. Who in this world would actually do these things for you without robbing you of your will? who can love to such an extent? How can i possibly not love Him? I can only say for myself that the grace He's poured out upon my life far exceeds what i can possibly contain or even comprehend. it's simply not justified. i dont think that i've done anything worthy of such grace. in fact, i think im a very terrible person who's always finding an excuse to run to all the wrong stuff. and yet He still faithfully loves me, waits for me, calls me, and cant wait to forgive me.

Father i pray that you who began a good work in me will bring this work to completion. mould me, shape me, into who you want me to be. I dont wanna be anywhere apart from your will. So come and take control of my life.

I don't know how to say exactly how I feel
And I can't begin to tell you what your love has meant
I'm lost for words
Is there a way to show the passion in my heart
Can I express how truly great I think you are
You're my dearest friend

Lord this is my desire to pour my love on you

Like oil upon your feet
Like wine for you to drink
Life water from my heart
I pour my love on you
With praises like the perfume
I lavish mine on you
Till every drop is gone
I pour my love on you

Is there a way to show the passion in my heart
Can I express how truly great I think you are,
My dearest friend

Lord this is my desire to pour my love on you

2010-09-06T20:27:00.003+08:00

Sometimes i feel that without having any relationships life would be so much more less stressful. Maybe i should come up with a philosophical theory to support the belief in loner-ism. LOL! Just kidding (:

Or maybe i should just support the ridiculous belief that only myself and I alone am conscious but everybody else is not. but if that's true then it's what everybody else thinks so we're all deceiving ourselves? LOL!

I'm study crazy and i need other stuff to occupy my mind that will provide me with some form of alternative relieve. preferably sth out of e norm. but at the same time super interesting and worth my time but does not take up too much of my memory. It'd be good if it's stress-free too. sth like blogging. LOL.

as you can tell, if you've read to this paragraph that i mean what i say when i say that my mind is not here. congratulations. bye bye(:

2010-09-03T12:14:00.001+08:00

reason for my insomnia, to chiong this stupid thing -.-"

Title: Summary of Thomas Nagel’s article “what is it like to be a bat?”

Thomas Nagel argues against having a physical theory of mind by saying that experiences are not only objective but more importantly, subjective. Therefore without knowing the subjective character of experiences, we cannot know what is required of physicalism, having merely an objective account is insufficient to explain consciousness. He illustrates the differences in subjectivity and objectivity by asking what is it like to be a bat. Since bats perceive things by echolocation, we can never subjectively experience “being” a bat, since we lack this sense. We could know the science behind echolocation, and try to imagine it implemented on ourselves but our imagination is limited to how we can behave like a bat, compared to what is it like for a bat to be a bat, hence unable to share experiences as they are strictly subjective to the bat alone. His argument then is that we can study the science behind physical phenomena objectively, however that alone is insufficient to explain consciousness as it also involves subjectivity unique to the individual. It is therefore impossible to contemplate any physical theory of mind with the lingering problem of subjectivity and objectivity in the generation of consciousness.

2010-09-02T18:30:00.002+08:00

Sometimes it's just so sad when we look back on the things we've done, or certain things or people we use to have but today it's no where near where we intended for it to be. dont worry, im not depressed or whatever. haha. it's just a sudden urge to think back and i realised what a waste many things are. like so many things we dont cherish, or we didn't spend our time wisely, and in the end we lose it. and now when we realise, it's kind of beyond redemption. HAHA. I'm just thankful to Him for making me who i am today, for giving me what i possess right now, for placing so many wonderful angels in my life to watch over me. I like the feeling of playing badminton like competitively. Cox when i play, i go in as light as i can be. as in no watches, no bracelets or anklets, basically all i have is God and my racquet. when im in the court i feel so close to God(:

anw, just a SUPER brief summary of what I've learnt in philosophy or rather what i've learnt plus what God says. HAHA. Firstly, free will, determinism, I dont really think they matter. As in, in a way it's blibical to say that determinism is true because God knows EVERY decision we will make in our lives and everything happens for a reason. However, that doesn't really mean that we dont have free will, but we have a constricted free will. sounds oxymoron? HAHA. But yet we have to foot the bill for being morally responsible cox God has done His part and we cant just shift all e blame onto Him. Secondly, can computers think? yes they can. We are computers ourselves. i mean, at least our brain is. HAHA. God is the most brilliant computer programmer of all times. and no one can surpass His programming skills, hence we are all tricked into thinking that we are more superior as compared to computers in terms of thinking. well, for a fact, God programmed us to think in a certain way when certain things happen. for example, when people hit us we get angry, we may have a few choices, but the immediate ones which come up will definitely not fall under anything close to rejoicing. HAHA. isn't that similar to a computer? we key in sth or ask a question and it responds according its program. the only difference in terms of thinking is that we are programmed by e almighty God whereas computers are programmed by us using less than 10% of our brains. Therefore i conclude that we are super computers. HAHA. anw, i realised that a lot of philosophical debates, or rather all of them cant be explained unless God is introduced into the picture. cox our world is in fact 4 dimensional including the spiritual realm. how can we foolish humans ever hope to explain the occurrences of a 4 dimensional world by merely using 3 dimensional facts? we're missing out a whole big part! it's like the story of the 3 blind man who tries to explain an elephant by touching it. anw, time to go do my next reading! Happy schooling people(:

2010-09-01T21:28:00.002+08:00

WOW! look at what a beautiful picture I've taken for lucky. HAHA. can use for his matchmaking(:

Anw, there are so many things i wish i had e time to say here but I've just been terribly tied down by school work and all that stupid traveling. philosophy is so fun and i just wish i could write my thoughts about e discussions here. about free will, about thinking. but now i've got 2 lab reports to complete by tonight so i shall skip it. anw, here's a really beautiful song.

In Christ alone will I glory
Though I could pride myself in battles won
For I've been blessed beyond measure
And by His strength alone I overcome
Oh I could stop and count successes
Like diamonds in my hands
But those trophies could not equal
To the grace by which I stand

Chorus:
In Christ alone I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory let it be said of me
My source of strength, my source of hope is Christ alone

In Christ alone will I glory
For only by His grace I am redeemed
And only His tender mercy
Could reach beyond my weakness to my need
And now I seek no greater honor
Than just to know Him more
And to count my gains
But losses to the glory of my Lord

I'm just so tremendously blessed by this song. I feel that it speaks so much of how my life with God has been. I'm just so thankful to Him for giving me a new life and living it out with me. in every weakness, He never fails to bring me strength, in every defeat, He always comes true with victory. And when i look back at my life, im sure that i'm not the only one who can tell that these successes are not by my strength nor my might, but by the power of His spirit(:

2010-08-30T00:24:00.002+08:00

Spending too much money this week. I think im gonna faint. anw, i bought a nikon D5000 yesterday and a pair of limited edition Yonex badminton shoes today. oh gosh~ im so bad. anw, here's my new baby. picture taken with my new baby(: im very happy with it(:

2010-08-21T21:17:00.002+08:00

transition periods. I kind of like the feeling of it. well, it's definitely stepping out of my comfort zone. However, it also helps me to break free from my boring "routine" lifestyle(: I'm still not used to uni, especially the "loner" break times and retarded school hours. But these few weeks have indeed been very enriching and exciting for my life(:

First is philosophy. i really enjoy this module(: it's too interesting. simply love the debate behind the theories and just being exposed to different views and ideas, thinking out of e box, but then again, we're in a box in e first place. HAHA. shall not get into details. maybe i'll decide to post some philosophical stuff here some day.

next, I LOVE YOG! If you think that yog is just an insignificant event, or whatever related thoughts, it's either because you're biased against sports or that you've not watched it live. It's simply amazing! e atmosphere simply awes you e moment you step into e competition venue. and when you scream and cheer for e athletes, it just lifts all e emotions to an even higher level. well, to me e feeling is just indescribable. What an honor it is to be able to be part of this(: well, many may think," what benefits has watching sports gotta offer me?" for a fact, I've learnt so much just by watching the semis and finals of badminton. the spirit of fighting on when you're losing. it's not even hanging on, it's literally fighting on. The spirit when different people from different countries cheer for different teams , and yet be in harmony with one another, it's definitely a sight to behold(: the humility of the players.. ect. It's so amazing! i wish every day was YOG. HAHA! Anw, I decided to play badminton again(: e games have reignited my passion for this sport which i've neglected for so long and i feel so bad for my racquets): Hopefully i can make it into e team and no determinism or whatever will stand in my way(:

anw, below is the blog of my sec sch friend. it's really blessed me beyond what words can describe. and i'm sure it'll bless you too(:

http://www.mlia-frica.blogspot.com/

2010-07-24T19:32:00.005+08:00

Just here to share something which i really enjoyed about cell group yesterday(:

Yesterday's Word talked about knowing our identity in Christ. how do we know that God is real? how do we know that God loves us? for the children of Israel, it's when God performs a miracle such as the parting of e red sea ect. and for many of us, that's the kind of God we're looking out for too. a miracle-performing God. However, just as e story goes, the children of Israel were always murmuring and complaining about God, and the whole generation ended up perishing in the wilderness. Miracle based faith is temporary. Miracle based love is temporary.

How then do we know God is real? How then are we convinced that He loves us?

It is understanding the character of God behind these miracles, knowing His intentions for us when He performed these miracles, that will cause faith and love to take root in our lives. So that one day when the blessings stop coming, we will still trust the heart of the Blesser.

well, this can be applied to any relationship too (:

2010-06-02T23:28:00.003+08:00

i saw this on yahoo and it got me thinking "So, tell us, just how much money is needed to run a charity or a religious organisation? Is it right that they be run and financed like a private corporation? Or is the concept of a simply-run, no-frills church an out-dated model in this day and age?"

well, when i read this question, e first thought that came into my mind was ," this is just like the question of how much money is needed to keep a person alive? Is it right that a person is very prosperous? is the concept of living a mediocre life an out-dated model in this day and age?" come on, we all know the answer to these questions. The Bible says that the Church is the Body of Christ!

Matthew 16:18
... I will build My church, and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it.

2010-05-22T15:44:00.003+08:00

oh my GOODness! God is so.... AWESOME WONDERFUL MAGNIFICENT LOVING TIMELY GLORIOUS! whoo~

my goodness, i dont know where to begin. haha. He is never late, He's never early, He's just on time! and His timing, what can i say bout it?. IT'S PERFECT! He hears our prayers, He always listens. He allows night seasons to come so that people will see HIS work in our lives instead of our mere carnal strength. He puts us in "impossible" situations so that people will know that He makes all things possible. He fights for us when we're weak, He lifts us up when we're down, He gives us rest when we're tired, He speaks the stillness into our storms, and gives peace to our ever wavering hearts. What more can we ask for? He's more than enough (:(: Praise the Lord (:(:

Psalms 35:28
I'll tell the world how great and good you are, I'll shout Hallelujah all day, every day.

2010-04-10T12:06:00.004+08:00

okay. this week has been crazy and i don't like it a bit except for the fact that i suddenly realise that princess Fiona is really pretty. I'm finally off work today and i feel like canceling tuition. i think i got sunburnt but luckily im not peeling (: i think i have very good working places this week so I'd like to thank God for it (: and I'd also like to thank Him for making my boss crave for ice cream too so i could also get one for myself every day (: I feel like sleeping now and i pray it rains really heavily tomorrow so i can rest at work (:

2010-03-28T21:36:00.002+08:00

I think songs are very important and powerful. Cox the songs we listen to are actually us acknowledging with the feeling/ phase in life that the singer is trying to show. and of cox, the place of agreement is the place of power. positive songs bring positive power, and negative songs bring negative power. songs are also actually words that the lyricist wants to say to someone, but it's sung instead of spoken. ever had the feeling of hearing a familiar song and all of a sudden a certain emotion or memory comes into you? I'm a person who often associates songs to incidents/ people/ events in my life. Some songs bring bad memories, bondage, hurts, regret. But i thank God that most of it now brings happiness, life, joy, hope, love, healing, peace, rest...

well, maybe that's why i'm a worship addict. haha. there's this place of rest when one is lost in worship. and every time when i'm there, i always wanna bring someone along. actually i dont really know to describe this. You know it's like when you're filled with emotions/ memories when you're lost in a song, and how you wish somebody or that someone will understand? it's kind of the same except that there's this drawing power to this indescribable love in worship and one can like stay in there for hours and hours. and just like any song, anyone who's been there will wish that somebody will experience the same feeling they're experiencing.

i think songs are created by God for us to express our emotions. like when one is in love, they listen to love songs. and when one is sad, they listen to sad songs. and when they listen to it or sing along with it, somehow the people around them can also feel their emotions. I guess worship too is like that. that's why i never believed in emotionless worship. lifting up hands, singing out loud, kneeling, clapping they're not mere actions but they are the key into that secret room where we can find rest and peace and joy and so much more. I thank God that i fell in love with worship. cox my christian life, my entire life, would be meaningless without it. just singing. listening.waiting.

Psalms 27:13-14
13 I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.

14 Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

2010-03-09T22:01:00.002+08:00

Sometimes i just feel so sad for people who try to run away but can't. I feel for people who try so hard and yet fail. And i guess im just sad for my friends who screw their lives cox of shit and yet there's nth i can do. I also wanna run away. I wanna run right back to bangkok and live at the beach forever. I dont care if tsunami comes cox im gonna run up to the mountain to take a picture so i can sell it for money after it's over. And im gonna use the money to buy tomatoes for the hungry and fierce monkeys on the mountain. I'm tired and hungry. Goodbye

2010-03-01T15:59:00.002+08:00

Okay, I've got no work at all this week. which is kinda bad cox I'd have almost no work too next week and i really dont wanna cut into Sundays as much as possible.

Anyway, apart from that, life's getting better. i can sense it , for now. HAHA! at least up till friday comes. Poh Ee and Sheryl got me watching this stupid show that's really bad but funny at times, especially when one of them looks like sheryl. HAHAHA! Been spending my day reading blogs and i gotta admit, relationships are complicated and they mess people up. Sometimes i wonder why do God create us humans to be so full of emotions that tempt us and "force" us to do things that we know, if our minds are clear, that is wrong. But then there's this line from the show that i REALLY liked. It says," Everybody has feelings, but it doesn't mean you have to act on them." well, i guess this principle can be used in all aspects of life, be it relationships, or anger management, or whatever emotions we might be feeling. There's this other show called "Fireproof". It has a line that says," dont just follow your heart, cox your heart may be deceived."

2010-02-19T01:07:00.002+08:00

HAPPY 7TH BIRTHDAY LUCKY!!!

I really hope you live a long and healthy life. Best if you can be with me FOREVER. Hee Hee!! I know you're busy chewing your treats with your almost teethless mouth, but quickly finish it, go pee, and get some sleep. cox you're gonna need the energy for your walk tomorrow(:

With a million% of love,

Your jie jie who cannot live without you

2010-02-01T22:30:00.003+08:00

I believe that humans can never compare to dogs. Sometimes i wonder why did God choose humans. We're so selfish, and all those awful stuff. But dogs are just so amazing. they cant even speak and yet they teach us so much about loyalty, faithfulness, and obedience. and they DONT EXPECT ANYTHING IN RETURN. How many of us can actually do that? Since young im just so amazed by the loyalty of dogs that's why i've always wanted one. Actually, it's them who first taught me loyalty and commitment to a person. And i believe the character they display is very much like God's.

i watched the movie "Hachiko" and it just reminds me how God is ALWAYS WAITING for us. sometimes even when it seems like we're never going to go back to Him, He will still faithfully and patiently wait for us, hoping that we will return. Hachiko waited till his very last breath for his person to return. Jesus also died so that one day, maybe we will finally realise that there's somebody who has been waiting for us all His life, and maybe we will return to Him. In the movie, there was a part when some people said that the professor chose a very good dog. But then someone else said," the professor did not choose him. Hachiko chose the professor." isn't that in the Bible? John 15:16 You did not choose me, but I chose you..

He personally chose each and every one of us. even though we may never know, or may never return to Him, like Hachiko, He will wait. He will always be waiting for our return. Because that's what He's living for.

2010-01-31T23:44:00.003+08:00

I WANT TO SING
UNTIL I AM LOST IN YOUR LOVE
TILL I'M FOUND IN YOUR PRESENCE
WORSHIPPING BEFORE YOUR THRONE
MOVE BY YOUR SPIRIT
ENTERING INTO YOUR FLOW
HOW PRECIOUS THIS MOMENT
LORD I WANT YOU TO KNOW

IT'S YOU, YOU WHO HAVE WON MY HEART
TAKEN ME INTO YOUR ARMS
COMFORTED ME LIKE A FRIEND
YOUR LOVE
SURROUNDED ME FROM THE START
I NEVER WANT TO BE APART
FROM YOU EVER AGAIN

2010-01-30T21:30:00.002+08:00

i think it's going to be a hard hard road down working. bleh. more patience, more acceptance. GOD!!! HELP ME! vulgarities, smoking, clubbing.... oh man....

2010-01-28T21:37:00.003+08:00

Whoo! I love shopping! for now. HAHAHA!

Went shopping with sheryl the past two days. ooh.. i just realised sheryl's name is very close to jeryl. haha! anw, it's been like forever since i last shopped and i gotta say," I FEEL LIBERATED!" hahahahaha! I've never bought so many awesome stuff in 2 days before. spent like $300? there goes my tuition fees. lol. anw, i bought two shoes, 1 black converse for work, and 1 damn cute Vans. Finally bought my new year clothes. kinda low but interesting and cool(: and this is the 1st time in my life i wanted to buy like 4 shoes in a row!!! it's so difficult to hold it back once the urge is there. bleh~ apart from the 2 above, there's this limited edition converse which is SUPER NICE! but it's $170+ (which i dont mind buying if i can wear for work) then there's this "this is not a shoe" which is WHOO! that, im gonna buy. but not now. hee hee. oh oh!! and i G Masked my iPhone so now it's AWESOME. Whee~

2010-01-20T14:14:00.003+08:00

oh! I left out one very important other thing. i really like my job cox the environment is really sth special and different. something like a church environment. not that there are a lot of christians there, but everybody is very encouraging and helpful and polite and all those stuff. Something that was really unexpected was when my instructor asked us to do role play yesterday, she told us," dont do everything correctly in your role playing. cox if you guys are all perfect, the rest of us cannot learn anything cox there's nth to talk about." she encouraged us to make mistakes! initially in my head i was like," bleh. i dont like role playing." but after she said that, i thought it was quite fun to purposely make mistakes so that we can all enjoy and have fun(: I really like the stress-free environment of a theme park. plus while we were doing the role play, some of it didn't seem that good but the instructor just kept saying," there's a lot of good in that!" and she picked out all the little good points that may have seemed insignificant in the eyes of others, but as she elaborated, there is really a lot of good in it!

And there's one more part. working there feels like holiday! when im in e park, i forget that im still in singapore! HAHA! cox everybody talks so much! it's like you dont even know the person but you can just talk casually to them as if they are your friends. that's so not singaporean. hahahaha!

2010-01-19T22:32:00.002+08:00

Oh my goodness!!!! I TOTALLY LOVE MY JOB!!!

i love it. i love it. i love it. i love it. i love it. i love it. i love it. i love it. i love it. i love it. i love it!!!!!

I wouldn't have been able to say that if it's just for the money. I love everything about it! the fact that i get paid to play in the park, that i get to work with people who are ALWAYS happy and funny, that i get free passes and discounts, that i get to witness the construction of the theme park, that i get to be the first to watch the shows and eat in the restaurants, that i get free lunch (although it's not really nice). You know what's the most awesome thing!!!!! im working in an environment where every kid in the universe is dreaming of!!! come on man! here, shrek, woody woodpecker, kung fu panda is literally "alive"! you get to do the "move it" dance with King Julian as if he popped out of Madagascar! It feels like being in the cartoon show! Whoo~ I LOVE MY JOB!

It's like, as a kid we've all dreamed of the day when our favorite cartoon characters would come alive and talk to us or befriend us face to face. And here, it's the closest thing you can get to that on earth. cox they really take on their character and behaviour and personally ect. It's like a dream come true! and every kid loves to live in a world where they are always treated like royalty, where everybody puts them first, where there's a fast food restaurant at every corner, where every day it's just play and more play!! Whoo!! I love my life!

okay, enough fantasy, back to the real world, which is still the same!! wahahahaha!!

okay, let me clarify that they did not feed me any potion or serum to brainwash me (although they do have a potion stall) hee hee

2010-01-17T00:25:00.002+08:00

Oh man! i cant believe what a wonderful day this is! I feel ALIVE all of a sudden!

HAHAHAHAHA!

This is so exciting! Cant wait to know the location. But more importantly, i cant wait to have a place that belongs to us. Just finished reading the very first building project in the Bible last week and I'm just so pumped up now to build His house!

I like the old church website. cox before entering the site they will show some pictures of the church building and there will be this short song. and i'll always remember the line," This is the house of God!"

2010-01-15T12:15:00.004+08:00

Luke 12:48
But he who did not know, yet committed things deserving of stripes, shall be beaten with few. For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will be required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask the more.

This is why sometimes i feel that there is a good side to having lesser than others. cox if you have lesser, less will be expected of you. well, this can expand up to every single area. A very pratical example, there is a greater risk of a worship leader falling into pride as compared to a choir member right?

Recently this thing has always been on my mind. Being encouraging and edifying in the things we say. Im not saying that we say things to please people, to make them happy, but rather e things that we say that make people go," wow, you have a point" and they will feel encouraged by what you've said. I really cant emphasize more on how important i feel that words are. They literally bring life or death. A careless word spoken without the intention to kill, could destroy one's dreams. What more to say of a deliberate word to destroy it? I feel that this is all the more true and important for knowledgeable people and people who are being held in high esteem. Actually, as i read the Bible, I realise how foolish humans can be. Time and time again it asks us to talk less and do more. Best if we dont talk at all. and yet till today we talk so much. HAHA. But really, I cant find a better way to explain this than the Bible.

Proverbs 10:19
The more talk, the less truth; the wise measure their words.

2010-01-14T23:58:00.004+08:00

I want to LOVE everybody in my life. I really do. I want to enjoy every moment i spend with everybody as if they are angels. I want to be appreciative of every little thing even when im having a bad day. I want to be able to hear joy from every song. I want to find affirmation in every spoken word. I want to feel acceptance from every action. I want to trust and be trusted for every decision although i may be reckless at times.

I want to live life not doubting nor judging but seeing the good in every part of it

Lord, teach me how

2010-01-13T11:45:00.003+08:00

despite trying very hard to be sociable, i think im still anti-social. haha. I dont know if it's wrong to feel this way, but i think im unlike normal human beings. haha. or at least those of my age? recently i met this new friend and she told me," I cant believe you dont go clubbing. People of your age love to club." but really, im just not drawn to humans, to be more specific, i dont like large crowds. sounds oxymoron to be coming from someone from a big church yea? haha. that's why God is so funny. anw, i strongly think that this is the result of my no-profile sec school life. proves how important is e process of growing up and how it can affect and change a person. okay, i like small people. like myself!

anw, this post was just me being random cox im bored.

2010-01-08T00:09:00.002+08:00

It's so amazing to see how things work e same way even if they are years apart. i feel like a prophet now. HAHAHAHAHA!!!! this is so fun!

2010-01-06T12:24:00.002+08:00

i was just reading pastor phil's daily devotions and this caught my eye.

Proverbs 4:25
Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you.

You cant walk or plan your course looking sideways at how others are running, or looking back letting the past ruin your present and your future.

2010-01-04T21:36:00.004+08:00

well, since it's the start of a new year, it's always good to go back to the very beginning. I just feel that knowing the purpose of the things that we're meant to do is so important. For one very important fact, it helps keep us humble.

I think I really need to re-evaluate my life.

2009-12-31T00:21:00.002+08:00

looking forward to start my job. feeling dead tired now. hoping that 6am does not come too soon. need to sleep now. sayonara!

2009-12-29T00:01:00.002+08:00

I think that burdens are good. provided they come from God. cox they give you a direction in life. shows you in a strong and certain way where your heart is really leading you. and Godly fear is good. but humans just have this one weakness of forgetfulness which draws us away from God or take Him for granted.

2009-12-16T21:59:00.003+08:00

I think there wouldn't be testimony for cg on fri, so i shall type it here(:

GOD IS GOOD MAN! no no, good was an understatement. He is unexplainably AWESOME! He's so right! it's indeed been awhile! initially i thought He meant that it's been awhile since i trusted him in this manner. But trust me on this.. there is a level of faith that will blow open the windows of heaven over your life and POUR blessings like a tsunami! yes! it's indeed been awhile since the reality of God hit me in the head like a building fell on me! whee!! i really can't thank Him enough for the things He has done for me.

1) Thank you for the iphone!

2) Thank you for the iphone plan

3) Thank you for the tuition job that pays $20 per hour

4) Thank you for another tuition job that pays $25 per hour

5) Thank you for the universal studios that pays $10 per hour!!!!

This is awesome!! now, let me tell you guys what happened. today i received a call from victor telling me of another tuition assignment for sec sch sci and it starts this sat. so of cox i took it and it pays $25 per hour. so that's great! then later in the afternoon (Thank God i wasn't having my usual afternoon nap), an unknown number called and asked if i was calista. turns out it was from universal studios. so of cox before anything i asked for the pay and the kind lady said $6.50. so of cox, i hesitated. cox it's super far and it's not really worth it for the money considering i could do relief teaching in a sch and earn much more than that. So i told her i'd consider and get back to her, and i got back to watching my korean show. a few minutes later, she called again. i thought she was gonna ask me for a reply now. but to my amazingly delightful surprise, she apologised for having quoted the wrong pay and she said it's $10 per hour! IMMEDIATELY i said i'll take the job!

Is this awesome or what!!! whoo~ and guess what, i have a feeling that this is not the end. There's more to come. i believe that it'll continue to come until i cannot handle it and it flows over to all those around me! that's the kind of abundance i wanna live in!

Malachi 3:10

Bring all the tithes into the storehouse, That there may be food in My house, And try Me now in this,” Says the LORD of hosts, “ If I will not open for you the windows of heaven And pour out for you such blessing That there will not be room enough to receive it.

2009-12-10T16:13:00.002+08:00

I'm just so glad that prom is over. phew! i suddenly feel that my heart is very heavy for i dont know what. maybe cox it gained weight? Anw, sometimes it just feels so weird. i kinda hate it when i do things out of habit. but some habits are just hard to kick. yet i feel awkward cox it's merely going through the motions. this is retarded...

2009-12-07T16:05:00.004+08:00

this post was supposed to be due on sat but i was too tired so.. heck la. HAHA! sleep's more important.

welcome to my world my new friend! Whee~ this is real real awesome! and smsing on this thing is kinda addictive. HAHA. Thank God for free unlimited smses! okay, i need money now! so jobs, interviews, tuition, you better come to me! Wahahaha! i'm dreading wednesday... bye bye

2009-12-03T00:59:00.002+08:00

to think that just a month ago i was filled with thoughts of retaining and failing cox it just seemed so impossible that i can even survive the A levels given the state my results are in. and now im just a few hours away to freedom, a few hours away from finishing what i've started for 45 cents of bus fare two years ago. why am i still here typing away? cox i've been sleeping late these few days and it's kinda difficult to fall asleep now. anw, thinking back at what's happened these 2 months, i'm really lost for words at His grace upon my life. I dont really know how to explain it, but it's so obvious to me that, duh! it's not me, but it's all Him. it has always been Him.

No matter what's my result, it doesn't matter anymore. That's not very important anyway. at least it's not the most important. haha. the most i'll just go open mama shop. anybody wanna join me? HAHA! okay. i'm going to try to sleep. and enjoy tomorrow! Whoo~ you know what? actually something that i really wanna do, i wanna enjoy every day of my life!

2009-12-02T12:04:00.001+08:00

came across this on facebook and found it kind of interesting. i call it sheryl's dream life.

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again.

I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant.

I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks.

I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them.

I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day.

I want to return to a time when life was simple; When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care.

All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you
worried or upset.

I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good.

I want to believe that anything is possible. I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again.

I want to live simple again. I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones.

I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.

So . . . here's my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit card bills and my bank statements. I am officially resigning from adulthood.

And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first, cause........
......“Tag! You're it.“

(Author Unknown but much appreciated)

2009-11-30T17:51:00.002+08:00

when im bored, this is what i do.

been trying to bake cookies these few days. and im proud to say that im proud of myself despite getting my finger burnt again (:

actually having no school is kind of boring. although sch's boring too, at least there are ppl to entertain you, play itouch with you. at home, it's just me, my dog, and God. and there's nobody to play with me ): i want a ps3! or at least i want my ps2 to come home soon. and im yearning for an iphone!! and i'm sooooo getting that planetshakers album! and i need guitar string! and i wish that 9th dec would just vanish from the calender so i dont have to bother about prom. and i want to get that bio paper over and done with. and i pray that either moe or the tuition agencies get back to me within this 2 weeks. and i want to go overseas SOON. and i wanna go climb mountain! anybody wanna go with me? HAHA.

I NEED SOMETHING TO ENTERTAIN ME!!!

2009-11-22T16:43:00.003+08:00

Language is a very important tool. with the right words used, coupled with the appropriate sentence structure, we can make a harsh comment with little or even no hurt involved and yet get our point across. or from the opposite view, a simple comment can turn into a quarrel if the wrong words were used. So when we improve on our language, it shouldn't just be about improving our self-image, but i feel that there's a greater purpose. For others. For christians especially, this is even more important. cox it's when we've honed this skill of language that God can use us to change people's lives through our words. God can't use someone whose words are merely for getting the job done, because if the person is just saying it because he has to, there will be no love in whatever he says. too often, our words are just about OURSELVES, about how WE can feel good, how WE can feel in charge. and we dont even know that it's these things that brings hurt to others. But then again, we're all imperfect. So it's normal to fail once in a while as long as we try. But are we even trying?

Right intention + wrong words/wrong method = misunderstanding

2009-11-18T23:21:00.002+08:00

truth is, most of the time, it's not the situation. it's our minds that trap us.

2012 is nice! the scariest part was when the dog had to cross over this metal thing to get to the owner. my heart almost stopped pumping! really!!!

anyway, the show kind of made me think? not that the end of the world is not already constantly on my mind, but i just feel a little confused. What if the world really ends in 2012? (which i highly doubt so) but maybe it'll be like the movie? not really judgement day, but rather a huge catastrophe that will wipe out 99% of us. Will you fight with everything you have to live? or just accept it and let the waves crush you? I really dont want the world to end tomorrow. cox it would have meant that i spent my last few months studying.... which is retarded....

2009-11-16T21:33:00.001+08:00

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

I'm addicted to this song now. i feel that this song speaks so much about how we should relate to God. That at times when we're uncertain, when we feel that the road ahead is difficult, we dont demand God, we dont stop doing what we're called to do, but we WAIT upon Him.

2009-11-10T23:47:00.003+08:00

WOULD YOU BELIEVE ME IF I SAID
THAT WE ARE THE ONES WHO CAN MAKE THE CHANGE
IN THE WORLD TODAY

WOULD YOU BELIEVE ME IF I SAID
THAT ALL OF THE DREAMS IN YOUR HEART
CAN COME TRUE TODAY

WOULD YOU BELIEVE ME IF I SAID
THAT LIFE CAN BE ALL THAT
YOU WANT IT TO BE TODAY

AND IF I HAD WINGS I WOULD FLY
'CAUSE ALL THAT I NEED, YOU ARE
AND IF THE WORLD CAVED IN AROUND ME
TO YOU I'D STILL HOLD ON
'CAUSE YOU'RE ALL THAT I BELIEVE
AND THE ONE THAT CREATED ME
JESUS, BECAUSE OF YOU
I'M FREE

WOULD YOU BELIEVE ME IF I SAID
THAT GOD CAN MAKE MIRACLES HAPPEN TODAY
WOULD YOU BELIEVE ME IF I SAID
THAT YOU DON'T NEED TO WAIT FOR THE ANSWERS BEFORE
YOU STEP OUT IN FAITH

WOULD YOU BELIEVE ME IF I SAID
THAT NOTHING IS EVER IMPOSSIBLE FOR GOD

JUST LIVE YOUR LIFE WITH GOD INSIDE
YOU WON'T REGRET ONE MOMENT OF IT
AND GIVE ALL THAT YOU CAN FOR GOD
FOR GOD

2009-11-09T18:34:00.002+08:00

You know why A level isn't scary? because my Father set it.

I'm not prepared. I know no matter how much time I'm given to prepare, I never will be. But that's the way my Daddy works. He doesn't put me through any test or exam, or ask me to do anything that I feel that I'm well prepared or well skilled for. He knows how I work. He knows that if He sends me a task that i can accomplish with my own capabilities, I will become proud. So He always sends the "impossible" and work on it with me. This way, it brings the both of us closer and i can accomplish the task without falling into pride. plus, when my Daddy does something, He doesn't just do it mediocrely, He makes sure the work is excellent.

2009-11-08T23:02:00.002+08:00

Something interesting that i learnt this week...

God knows how we humans are wired up. He knows that if we can earn money/ work for 7 days a week, 24 hours a day, we will. That's why He gave us the commandment to remember the sabbath day by keeping it holy. from monday to saturday, we are working, and so is God. But He rests on the seventh day. So what makes you think if you work on the seventh day, God will work with you?

2009-11-05T22:49:00.003+08:00

money, is it really so important? What's with that few pieces of paper if it's not a matter of life and death? why are people so self-centered when it comes to money? come on, there's so much that you're missing out on if all you think about of is yourself and your money. gosh! i know that you're trying to do something. but has it ever occurred to you that I'm also trying to do sth here and it's much more urgent and important?? how difficult is it to see that I'm kind of struggling and the least you can do is to leave me alone? argh!!

a person's maturity can be seen from the standards of priority they hold in their life. what's important, what's urgent. i really cant stress this enough. sometimes i wonder. is it really so difficult so judge what's important and what's urgent? i guess i really really need to be more patient, understanding and wise. or i'll explode.

2009-11-03T22:24:00.004+08:00

human beings. when will we start saying what we mean and what what we say? i think at least 90% of us fall into the category of merely offering lip service. we say we'll be at a certain place at a certain time but we're late. we always tell our friends," we'll meet up soon yea?" but we really dont want to free up time to meet them. how about this? we tell God," God, we love You, we give our lives to You, we're fully committed to You." but how much of it do we really mean what we say?

I conclude, all human beings are selfish. haha. Truth is, most of the things we do are driven by fear. we fear losing our "face" so we act friendly. we fear going to hell, so we decide to turn to faith. we fear being alone so we find friends. we fear rejection, so we live by "obligation".

end of the day, we all get to choose. and our so called " obligation" is us choosing fear over what our heart wants us to do.

so then, what kind of fear do you have?

2009-10-26T22:14:00.002+08:00

there's this article in the latest broader perspective issue which talks about taking responsibility i think there's a lot of truth in that article. But one thing which really stood out to me was this line," If a husband claims that he loves his wife, but his wife doesn't feel loved, the husband does not love the wife."

I've been thinking about this for a few days now and I've decided to accept the fact that this statement may not necessarily be right. Initially when i read this, i really agreed with it because i believe that love should be tangible, real and evident. As in, i believe that the extend of one's love for somebody can be seen/ measured by the amount of time they spend/ the things they give each other/ the thoughts they share because if you really think about it, it seems very natural that if you love someone, you'll want to spend time with them, you'll want to give them priority over yourself, you'll give them the best gifts you can possibly give.

But today i realised that this may not be true. Each person has their own love language. and your love language may not be the same as the person you love. if to that person sharing things or incidents, basically telling you every important event in that person's life, is something that is considered very intimate, but on your part you feel that it's the most basic and normal thing and it's insufficient to make you feel important, isn't it a little unfair to that person to say that he/ she does not think that you are important? so in this case, to better gauge how important you are, maybe it's better to find out whether the things this person does for you makes him/ her more vulnerable to you compared to other people.

But then again, if someone tells you that he/ she does not feel important/ loved, maybe it's really time to find out where has things gone wrong, or maybe put in the extra effort to make things work? cox i think that if someone even bothers to raise the issue means that not all is gone and there's still room for improvement. well, end of the day, i think what's most important is to be real to yourself and others.

anw, to you, sorry. you are very important to me. really. but i like the way things are now. hope that things work out for you and js (:

2009-10-16T21:07:00.003+08:00

Since it's graduation day, i shall write sth for 08S07.

Actually yesterday when we went K i wanted to sing you girls this song but i was too shy. so just listen to the original okay? i think it pretty much expresses what i want to say

谢谢有你们xie xie you ni men - 何耀珊
謝謝有你們陪我走這一程在天最黑暗的時候點亮一盞燈
因為有你們關心所以我才可能讓自己的心勇敢幾分
謝謝有你們陪我過這一陣在我最需要的時候給了我最真
時間可以慢慢等把思緒用愛加溫讓冷卻的快樂重新沸騰
是你把幸福悄悄放進我的手心像風吹拂著白雲總是不著痕跡
我閉上我的雙眼就能夠感覺的到你那麼清晰是你
把喜樂輕輕寫進我的表情聽風的一絲笑意叮叮噹噹聲音
我合手祈禱天明願陽光可以照進每個人的心

This translation is specially done for the convenience of Queennie(:

Thank you for walking this journey with me and light up my days when it seems so dark. Because of the care and concern from you girls I am able to have more courage. Thank you for accompanying me, for showing the most truthful and honest side of you. Time can wait, let our thoughts be warmed by love, let the coldness of our happiness be rejuvenated. It's you, who silently placed blessings into my hands, like the wind blowing the clouds always without a trace. I close my eyes and i can feel you so clearly. It's you, who gently wrote happiness into my expression.

i know my translation kind sucks. but it's e thought that counts right? this kind of thing only comes once in a lifetime so treasure it okay!

2009-10-16T18:45:00.002+08:00

What's important? What's urgent? What's important and urgent? What's more important and urgent?

why do i still feel so tired? humans... how can God stand us when we're so imperfect? the things we do to each other can already be so hurting/ rejecting/ disappointing, let alone the accumulation of every single one of our wrongdoings to God. How does He do it? Is it because He knows everything?

I feel like i'm doing it all over again. now im back to where i started.

2009-10-11T19:15:00.004+08:00

i was watching some christian youtube videos and i find some things which were mentioned kinda funny. there was this guy who is a christian and he's very anti-atheist. however i find his arguments kind of flawed. as in for everything ranging from whether God exists, evolution, turning water into wine, and many other questions and Bible examples he brought up, he merely refuted them by saying that it's all not true cox the Bible says so. haha. it's not that i disagree with him that God exists and blah blah blah. but i just found it kinda silly that he used the Bible as the main argument point since atheists regards the Bible as any ordinary book found in book stores. so i was just thinking from an atheist point of view and found it kind of silly. cox can you imagine if you just pick any book from the shelves and it tells you that your dog has supernatural powers and you believe it with all your heart without having any concrete evidence? silly isn't it? haha.

Anyway, i was supposed to find some stuff about science and religion. so i decided to comment a little about it here. i believe in evolution. and i also believe that God created man in his image, not as monkeys. well, darwin says that everything existing goes through a process called natural selection right? he's right. even as humans we observe very strong competition, leading to survival of the fittest. however, i really dont think that we came all the way from monkeys. as in there are even lizards or insects which share 90+% genetic similarity compared to human genes. so our relatives are insects? HAHA! well, i believe that the reason for these genetic similarities is that our God is a consistent God. there're certain genes which codes for certain proteins which makes up our body (phenotype). eg, membranes are universal, specific enzymes are universal. and these proteins are necessary in ALL living organisms. if not how can lucky digest his food? so that means that both my dog and i share similar genes. but that doesn't mean we evolved from one organism. it only means that we originate from the consistent mind of the same one God who created the world.

end of the day, God created everything right? so, every idea, invention, theory, conjured by human mind, God allowed it. so anw, that's my stand and i feel that it makes much more sense than just saying," we did not originate from monkeys because the Bible says so." (:

2009-09-24T21:20:00.001+08:00

i think this song is kinda nice and encouraging

2009-09-24T20:32:00.002+08:00

something to hold on, something to hope for, something to look forward to, something to lessen this load, something practical, something that is secure, something that makes me happy.

nevermind. i just need a holiday, a break, a vacation, a time out, or in my dictionary, an escape from reality.

2009-09-23T17:43:00.002+08:00

one thing i can never understand. why do people use vulgarities? cox it's cool? cox it's fun? cox it's the only word that can express the way you're feeling?

this is bad man. not "bad" as in sheryl's "bad" but really bad.

well, personally i just feel that it's not only crude. that's too minor. it's revolting, it's demeaning, it just shows how little EQ do you have, and it's insulting to your level of intelligence. as in, do you even know what are you saying? do you truly understand the meaning behind those words and mean what you say? okay, i admit im kinda pissed while typing this.

anw, for ppl who have poor anger management, doesn't mean that when you're angry you can just say whatever you wanna say and insult whoever you wanna insult! come on, just record yourself speaking when you're angry and you'll get what im trying to say. it's just so provoking and upsetting to hear! as in, even though the person you're cursing is not me, it's disturbing to even hear! oh man... im gonna puke...

well, for a start, maybe you can just focus in on the problem and just discuss about it. dont go from yesterday to last month to even last year or even better, try to predict the future. this is insane! and when solutions are given to you, dont give too much "buts" cox it just makes the other person not interested to listen anymore. okay, let's say you just want to rant and dont need any solutions. then just rant, but dont rant on and on and on about the same thing! just say what happened, why are you angry, what do you think could have been done, and what do you think can be done now, and FULLSTOP! dont start judging and cursing and swearing and comparing cox it's incredibly uncomfortable to hear! okay, im done pouring out my frustration. some prelim results are out and it's a little disappointing but it's okay (: no regrets! just move on!

2009-09-17T18:10:00.002+08:00

okay.. prelims are over. but A level is coming.

i can sense the doom for my prelims. As in after losing 15 marks of vectors today, ya, kinda screwed. you know what? i was so careless i did this... 500= 500 x 0. awesome right? and cox this is (ai), the rest dont need to say liao. oh man, and i was so confident for vectors. nvm, like what they say, at least now i know how careless i can get, i wont repeat my mistakes during the A's.

But the good news is that i feel much more comfortable with my subjects now ( except econs ). at least it's no longer " i dont know how to finish" but rather " i have not enough time to finish". Although this exam seems like the best i've taken so far, i doubt my results will be much better.

2009-09-14T20:16:00.003+08:00

okay, after blogging about miscellaneous stuff, let's talk about sth else.

purpose. well, i believe that for everything there's a purpose, for everybody there's also a purpose. it all depends on whether we wanna hold on to that purpose no matter what.

for everything that happens in life, there's a good purpose to it. if we happen to find it and hold on to it, no matter how shitty life becomes, we'll be thankful that it happened. ppl give up when they lose sight of the positive purpose behind it. sure, it's easy to know it when everything's going well, but it's when the test comes will it all be shaken.

then there's this other thing called the higher purpose. when we find the higher purpose, our problems start to seem smaller. it's like looking at things from an airplane, it all seems within your hands.

similarly for humans, we all have purposes in each other's lives. find it, hold on to it, get the best out of it.

well then, can purposes be lost? yes, if we choose to abuse it. but the good news is, it is always there, somewhere, waiting for us to find it back.

anw, just to side track, pastor was preaching about loyalty last week. He talked about Ruth being loyal to Naomi, and her vows to her. and pastor was just saying that should be the way we relate to one another. yes! i fully agree with him! for a start, wouldn't it be so securing to know that the ppl whom you're mixing around with, are ppl like Ruth? ppl who trusts you no matter what, choose to stick to you when life gives them a million reasons not to, choose to honor whatever and whoever you honor? amazing isn't it? life's simple, that's what everybody wants. if you can do it, you can be a best friend to anybody. the sad part is that not many of us are like Ruth. We give in when life gives us reasons to, we choose to get more than we give, we want things our way and find it hard to like the things the other person likes. like what my favourite person in singapore now says," it's all about me!" then comes her other favourite sentence," you know, BOOMS!" wow! how amazingly sensible these two sentences make sense here. hahaha. okay, enough of goofing around. life rocks!

2009-09-14T20:03:00.002+08:00

oh man... at a time like now i should be studying for my econs paper tml. but then again, maths kinda drained the crap out of me, so im here, erm... doing what i'm not supposed to be doing. but surprisingly, there's some hope in me passing the paper. as in, vectors kinda shocked me cox what usually would weigh like 12 marks came out only er... 6 marks this time? shocked me real good cox that's my best topic and even if i get the full marks, it'll only be 6/100. oh man.. paper 2 better have at least 20 marks of vectors. actually im kinda thankful for going for tuition. cox i think if this time round i pass everything, it's all because of tuition. maths tuition saved 14/20 marks for my last question, sequence and series. still cant believe they tested 20 marks on that. wow!

i realised this prelims is all about the tiny topics and details that you'll pay attention to when you have a microscopic brain.

i realised i havent said this for a long time... Jia You Bubu!

2009-09-09T23:06:00.002+08:00

for once i feel saturated and overwhelmed from studying bio. interleukin-2 receptor gamma chain is driving me nuts. HAHA

2009-09-08T14:23:00.002+08:00

This post is intended for all the students in E449. But if you're a student, i believe that you will also be encouraged (:

As the exams are drawing near, be it N levels, O levels, Promos, A levels, or whatever exams you are going through in life, sometimes people tend to feel tired, stretched, stressed out. And the thoughts that are constantly on our minds are thoughts of negativity, defeat, uncertainty, doubt. Let me assure you, THIS IS NOT THE WILL OF GOD for your life.

As a student, our primary calling and season before anything else is to do well in our studies. Because it is our primary calling, God will do everything He can to help us do well. Be assured that He will not leave us alone to fend for ourselves. The Bible says that He will never leave us nor forsake us.

Matt 6:33

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

What's your purpose of studying? For myself, i started studying because God asked me to. I wanted to do well for my studies so that i can glorify Him. If you'd known me since primary school, i was not studious at all. it was not until i had this new mindset that i tried to study. For us, our priority should be God, studies, then everything else. Even church ministry comes after studies. God is a good Father, He wants us to be happy and live a good life. Everybody wants to do well in studies, who doesn't? Will you be happy if you'd done badly? Will your parents be happy when you fail? Will your friends and teachers be proud of you? nope. Simple as that. God is glorified when everybody is happy. So dont even think for one second that God is okay with us compromising on our studies to serve Him or His people. His plans and desires are only good and wonderful towards us. Don't worry that He'll not come true for you if you put Him first and desire to do well in your studies. Dont be crippled by fear. But the Bible says that we are more than conquerors in Christ! Dont be afraid of any paper, just study the BEST you can for it, go and take it with confidence, leave the examination hall without having regrets, and tell yourself," I've done my best. I'll let God do the rest."

Jia You guys! I know we can do it!

Matt 19:26
Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

2009-09-06T21:13:00.002+08:00

confusion. i knew this post was coming. i could sense it. haha.

why cant things be defined as yes or no? this way, life can be so much simpler since everything is definite, even the Bible agrees with this in a sense by saying be either hot or cold and not luke warm. but then again, by putting a definite answer to everything makes us legalistic and nobody likes rules. so how?

Times like these we end up in confusion. Actually, if you take a closer look at it, confusion comes when one chooses to escape from making decisions or they are afraid that the decision they would make will not be one they may like, hence the term used to describe this kind of feeling.. confusion. So in this sense it's not really good to be confused right? since it's merely used as a form of escape from reality, refusing to acknowledge either of the opportunity cost you have to pay.

Seriously, im confused about certain issues. maybe it's really because i refuse to define it and move on to other stuff. the same thing has been on my mind these few months. maybe im supposed to have some answers or it's trying to force me into defining it. but i dont think i want an answer. you know like how some ppl are addicted to being emo? i think im addicted to being confused. oh man...

2009-09-01T15:37:00.003+08:00

here's sth i've read from pastor's daily devotion which i felt is very good (:

And especially those who walk according to the flesh in the lust of uncleanness and despise authority. They are presumptuous, self-willed … 2 Peter 2:10

David prayed, “Keep back Your servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me. Then I shall be blameless, and I shall be innocent of great transgression” (Ps. 19:13). As we live our lives by faith, we have to understand the difference between faith and presumption:
Faith is a response to the initiative of God.
Presumption takes the initiative away from God so that the believer acts on his own initiative. Presumption is acting according to our own human will. “But they continued to sin against Him, rebelling in the desert against the Most High. They willfully put God to the test by demanding the food they craved” (Ps. 78:17-18, NIV). Presumption is a sin against God. In almost all cases, presumption is classified as such a deadly sin, it is punishable by death!
Presumption is linked to the Word of God in two ways:
(1) To claim a prophecy to be a Word of the Lord when it is not, often leading to death (Deut. 18:20, 22).
(2) To overstep the Word of the Lord and to do beyond what His Word has said, often leading to destruction (Num. 14).
There are various occasions of presumptuous sin recorded in the Bible:
(1) The presumptuous sin of the children of Israel (Num. 14:39-45).
(2) The presumptuous sin of Saul (1 Sam. 13:8-14).
(3) The presumptuous sin of David (2 Sam. 6:1-7).
While faith recognizes and yields to God’s sovereign will, presumption asserts selfwill. Faith is totally dependant on God and His rhema-Word, but presumption is dependant on our own interpretation of the logos. Faith will bear fruits that glorify God, but presumption contains an element of human arrogance and self-glorifi cation.
Faith is yielding to God, but presumption demands, compels, forces and insists. So how can a Christian avoid presumption?
(1) Line-up your faith with the whole counsel of God’s Word.
(2) Do not do anything hastily (Prov. 20:21; 25:8, Eccl. 5:2).
(3) Never impose your faith on others (Rom. 12:3).
(4) Live at your own level of faith (12:6).
(5) Always remember that in the multitude of counselors there is safety (Prov. 11:14).

2009-08-26T23:39:00.002+08:00

escape. isn't this what a lot of people are trying to do? escape from fear, from stress, basically from facing their emotions. why are people so afraid to admit to the way they are feeling? Is it to protect themselves? Sheryl said that the deepest fear are those we dare not admit and i think there's some truth in it.

2009-08-23T20:10:00.002+08:00

actually im quite lazy to blog. Dad just called and asked if i wanna go to Beijing in sept. THIS IS SO TEMPTING! oh man~

okay, i wanted to blog about sth but decided not to cox the words just could not flow

2009-08-16T23:04:00.002+08:00

I'm seriously deprived of games! I want to buy a PlayStation 3 after my As!

2009-08-03T21:50:00.003+08:00

Wisdom is so important. It's so silly sometimes to do things without wisdom. Yes, one may have knowledge, but if you use it at the wrong time, to the wrong person, it will still fail.

I feel that looking at the big picture is one of the most important skills of having wisdom. Sometimes we can get so occupied by looking out for all the tiny little mistakes that we miss out the most important one right in front of us.

Anw, why i'm saying this is cox i was late for school today. i know, it's my fault, and i dont blame anyone for it. and it's my 3rd time so i decided to go to the polyclinic to get an mc in order to not get suspended from school. so i queued at the clinic for more than 2 hours and after that i immediately rushed back to school hoping to catch my last 2 lessons. and guess what? the security guard refused to let me in. so i was thinking of reasons why he would not let me in and the only one i could think of was because i got mc, the school could be afraid that i'd spread the virus to other ppl. so i explained to the security that my mc stated that i had headache. But, he still refused to let me in. so i told him that it's my A level year and asked if he could kindly just allow me to attend my last 2 hour of lessons, and he said the OM would scold him if he did that. and he said that i could only enter the sch at 1pm (which is when sch is over).

okay, after reading my story of that day let me tell you my conclusion. The school system sucks, the rules are unfair and unflexible. firstly, i THINK that moe built schools to educate and discipline us and not to punish us. There's a difference between discipline and punishment. What i had gone through today is obviously punishment. They're punishing me for being late by refusing my entry to the school to attend my lessons. well, i really dont think what i'm saying is rebellious, but i think that i've been punished enough by having to miss my 1st few lessons and spend time and money at the polyclinic. At least i bothered to go back. i could have just gone home after getting the mc. but because i wanted to study so i went back, and they refused me. unreasonable isn't it? Secondly, the system is obviously silly and flawed. you mean to say that i'm not fit for lessons at 11pm but at 1pm im suddenly well enough to come sch? wow, the miracle of 1pm! do you know why is it so silly? Because they just went against their own goal of educating students. As in, every school will want their students to come to sch and attend lessons right? This is the 1st sch I've been to which regards making the students pay for what they've done higher than teaching them not to miss lessons. Next time if im late, i wont even bother going back to school since they wont let me in. Is this what the school is trying to teach at the end of the day? This brings me to the last point. Thirdly, It's so important so know when's the right time to do what and to differentiate between what's more important and what's not. I cant really explain much of this cox it's really wisdom and i dont think it can be taught. It's like when's the right time to scold and when is the right time to teach. I'm not solely referring to the school here. Even for myself i fall into this trap sometimes. It's like i called my mom after i was refused entry. and the 1st thing she said was," who asked you to be late? i told you to wake up earlier" and throughout the whole conversation she just went on and on about me deserving to be punished. it's like adding salt to the wound you know? I was just thinking in my mind," shouldn't she be more concerned about where am I now or even what am i going to do? or if she's sensitive enough, shouldn't she ask if I'm okay or comfort me a little? It's really scary being locked out of school for the 1st time you know? "

The main point is, the school system sucks. and the teachers and students are just so pitiful to be enslaved by this kind of system.

2009-07-25T21:34:00.002+08:00

life's short, live it the best way you possibly can.

question: what do you want to accomplish in life? how can you get there? are you actively working towards it now?

humans are often confused. they are unsure of their needs, their desires, their thoughts, their feelings. and when they cant make a decision between their choices, they decide to do it the "hannah montanah" way. the best of both worlds. However, they forgot that it's only a disney show and in reality, it's not feasible at all. well, the Bible says that we're to be either hot or cold and not lukewarm. let our yes be yes and no be no, and not "maybe". sometimes we're just so afraid to admit to our thoughts and feelings just because we think that it's not right. and we let guilt creep into our hearts silently. so we end in a scenario like this... our thoughts and feelings drive us in one direction, while "guilt" drives us in another direction. and on the end, we get nowhere and achieve nothing. all we managed to do was to waste time, energy, and effort. we got here because we tried to do it alone.

two heads are better than one. when things go wrong and we know it, dont be afraid to admit it. tell someone about it and we can definitely work things out. be it a good ending or bad ending, at least there's an end to where we're heading. and from there, we can move on with life (:

2009-07-23T23:12:00.003+08:00

Humans are so interesting and annoying cox they're always changing and you just cant figure them out. complicated God makes complicated man. sometimes i wish that life would be simple and i can figure most things out. why must man always desire to know more? sometimes not knowing is better than knowing but the feeling of not knowing drives one crazy. sometimes it's good to just be alone. at least you dont have to bother about anyone else except yourself. cox only you and God know yourself best, you can never understand another person cox they're constantly changing, and nobody will understand you fully and plainly even if you tell them everything cox there are things that just cannot be expressed in words.

2009-07-15T20:52:00.002+08:00

Is it possible to stop caring for somebody just by making a decision not to? Why must people be led by their hearts? people say that the furthest distance is from your brain to your heart. cox sometimes your brain tells you not to do something but on the other hand, your heart is giving you a thousand and one reason to do it. The Bible says that we're created in the image of God. and the kingdom of God is a kingdom of opposites. He says give if you want to be rich, serve if you want to be high and mighty. these are all conflicting theories to our carnal minds. but to God, it makes the most sense. maybe that's why we're wired up like that; having two opposite forces working inside of us all the time.

well, i guess the question is.. "when do we follow our head and when do we follow our heart?" hmm..

2009-07-13T22:03:00.003+08:00

i realized it's been awhile since i blogged about my day to day mundane stuff. maybe that's why people keep asking me "how's life?" Haha! So here's a post to update how has life been.

Basically, school has been tiring. or if you need a more detailed explanation, it's extremely exhausting. Ya, since the start of school term till now, other than the few days straight after my exams, i had practically very little rest. lessons stretched from 8 to 7 on a few occasions. and guess what, I've just received news that in a few weeks time, it'll be from 8 to 9! hurray! not 8am to 9am of cox! that will be in my dreams. it's from 8am to 9pm. life rocks! Whoo~

Okay, i just received my exam results and frankly speaking, it's kinda embarrassing. really. just did not do as well as i expected. and trust me, my expectations are not very high. other than my SA2, i just sat for this maths practice paper today. although i know i'd probably not pass, I feel quite happy about it. I'm not a sadist, nor am i depressed. it's just that im glad that whichever question i attempted, i could do most of it. i guess my downfall was that i spent too much time on each question, so i did not manage to complete the paper.

Now for something funny. my classmates and i went to the photocopy shop before my paper wanting to photocopy the formula booklet cox kuku me forgot to bring. but the photocopy shop had closed 30mins ago. hoping for some miracle, i peered into the locked door and i saw the two aunties probably finishing up some work. so me, being kinda desperate for a copy of the formula booklet, went to ask them," auntie, is it okay that you photocopy one copy of formula booklet for me please?" and i gave her that puss-in-boots look. to my horror, she did not fell for it! oh man! im so disappointed... i should have just winked at her. i think that would have worked so much better. HAHAHA! im just kidding.

anw, that's about all for my life. good night people!~

2009-07-11T21:37:00.004+08:00

ever heard christians say," I don't want to be rooted in a church" or " I don't need to join a cell group" ? Very often their reason is that they feel that religion is just between them and God. Yes, i agree that God wants to have a PERSONAL relationship with us, but i couldn't agree more that God desires for us to build Godly relationships with people around us. So in this sense, our christian walk should be God+ Me + People. I realise God likes the number 3. God is the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Jesus also chose 3 disciples out of the 12 to be closest to Him. So likewise, our relationship with God should also involve three parties, God, ourselves, and other people.

I believe that for different seasons of our lives different people will be sent to us, each for a specific purpose. Even the Bible talks of us like different parts of a body. How can the eye tell the ears "I dont need you"? The fact is we all complete each other in one way or another. In Ephesians 3:22, it says "in whom you also are being built together for a dwelling place of God in the spirit". Notice it uses the word "being" which is in the continuous tense. and not only that, but it also follows with the word "together". Which means that we are in the process of building/helping each other to become better people. And if we do this, TOGETHER, we will become a dwelling place of God. The Bible also says in Genesis 2:18 that it is not good that man should be alone. When God saw that Adam was alone, He gave Him Eve to be his helper. Similarly, God has placed "Eve"s in our lives too. Not "Eves" as in spouse (that He will also provide), but i'm refering to "Eve"s as a helper. They may come as leaders, friends, family, teacher, and so on.

Also, more than God sending people into our lives to help us, we are also being sent into other people's lives to help them. I like something which pastor Tan shared awhile ago. he said that when we take communion, it is not to remind ourselves that Jesus Christ died for us on the cross, but to remind ourselves that in the same way that Jesus sacrificed for us, we are to also sacrifice for the people around us. I've heard people said that christians are very judgmental, that because of our narrow-mindedness people feel outcasted, people such as smokers, homosexuals, ex-convicts ect. I feel that it's because people see christianity as a religion. To me, RELIGION = RULES. and i hate rules. so right form the beginning i was never bought into this religion thing. what caught me was a relationship. a relationship with a God who loves. and out of this love that we've received from Him, we are to share it with the broken-hearted, the rejected, the vulnerable. The perfect example to follow is Jesus. Throughout His whole ministry on earth He touched the lepers, He fellowships with the tax collectors, people whom the "holy" ones thought were unclean and unfit to be touched and cared for. But Jesus' heart was all out for them.

So anw, my point is that we are called into fellowship. We were meant for relationships. Maybe this post will give you a different view towards church? That it's not just for singing songs and feeling all happy inside when we exit the church door on sundays. More importantly, it is a means for us to build relationships for us to help one another grow. Remember, you are never alone in life, there are always people who are thinking of you, praying for you, whether you know it or not (:

2009-07-04T01:11:00.005+08:00

i was just talking to some ppl about an incident in my life that happened some time ago. And as i looked back at certain things i realized some shocking stuff that really pissed me off. okay, i know it is stupid to be angry over things that has happened so long ago but i cannot take it!! i need to let it out! Argh!!!

This is too much man! humans are just so difficult to understand and we make each other feel so insecure. to different ppl, their definitions of good/ close friends can be so different. why? perspectives? principles? and i can never understand where do i stand to you! this feeling sucks! okay, although recently it doesn't matter to me anymore but it's still shit when i know that it was only that much that i meant to you. Then what's the point of telling me everything? Was i just a dustbin? I can never understand and now, i dont even bother to.

okay, that's all, it's just to vent my frustration for sth that some idiot has wasted my time a long time ago. Bye

Life rocks now! Whoo!

2009-07-01T23:34:00.000+08:00

It's a very weird feeling when you doubt yourself.

okay, i'm glad exams are over. Just pray and hope for the best. I really need God to come true for me now.

Life is just confusing sometimes. Why must things be in the grey area? maybe certain things should have a clear line drawn so i wouldn't be so confused.

2009-06-28T00:23:00.002+08:00

i found this christian singer called kutless and i like his songs. he sings christian rock, which i find kinda cool. anw, i think that people play a very important role in our christian walk. we all have sth that somebody else doesn't have. may not be material things, may be emotional security, or even a cheerful personality. We have all been given gifts and ability to help someone. i was just reminded of sth pastor tan shared during bible study a few sessions ago( i think ). about using our gifts to bless others. that just like Jesus broke His body for us, we are to do likewise and break our body for others. as in, not literally break, but it means to use our gifts to help others. and that's why we take communion. to remind ourselves that we're supposed to live for others. okay, im tired, im supposed to study but i ended up reading books, reading Bible, re-stringing my guitar, worship and praise a little, and here i am typing. oh man, i desperately need a miracle to regain my confidence for this exam!! Ahhh!!!

2009-06-16T23:08:00.002+08:00

is it just me or is it a girl thing? why cant i seem to make up my mind? like i want this but then i dont really want it. hmm... weird...

okay, knowledge. is knowledge a good thing? is having too much knowledge a good thing? is it necessary to know everything? haha. i believe that knowledge is power. because you can only change sth that you know about. or how know how to go about changing it. if you weren't aware of the disasters around the world, you wouldn't think of sending aid right? and even if you know that there's a disaster, you must know how to or have the capability to send the aid required right? so here's where knowledge is power; the power to change.

what if you have too much knowledge? will it confuse your mind? then isn't it knowing just for the sake of knowing? what use is the knowledge if you cannot apply it in your life? im not really referring to general knowledge here, cox it's important to at least know what's happening in the world. but rather im talking about studying something in detail or knowing some things about somebody. knowledge kinda makes one puff up unless they learn to apply their knowledge in everyday life. i guess for every thing there's a purpose, so that means that us knowing the things that we know is also not coincidental and that we're supposed to do sth about it?

2009-06-15T20:32:00.004+08:00

recently i've been asked this question a few times. why do i believe in God? How do i know He's not just a figment of my imagination?

well, i remembered a few years back i was brought to this christian bookstore by this friend of mine. and she told me that God was real. but i replied and said," why must there be a God? cant man just live on their own? i only believe in myself and i think that im living a very good life, im satisfied with my life." surprisingly, she did not try very hard to convince me. anw, the point that im trying to make here is that i once doubted God's existence. But now, like what pastor said, to tell me that God does not exist is already too late, because i've already experienced Him. and He's more real to me than any human being is on earth. At least i know that everything about Him, everything in Him, is always looking out for me, taking care of me, loving me, planning a future for me. and His character is perfect, His thoughts about me are always good. Can you say the same about humans? What about your family? or even your closest friends?

then, how do i know that He's not just a person that my imagination came up with or what some people say, pastors brain-wash us to believe that God exists? well, i guess the only way to really feel God's reality is to give Him a chance. it's like if somebody wants to be-friend you but you just keep denying that person and refuse to give that person a chance to be your friend, how then would you know that this person will not turn out to be the best friend you've ever gotten in your entire life?how would you know it cannot work out unless you've tried?

I've said that i could live very well without God right? that was before i gave Him a chance to show me what He can do for me and through me. before i knew God, life was all about myself. i want to get a good education, i want to get a decent job, i want to make lots of money, i want to buy a big house. after that, what? die? game over? come on, you've got to agree with me that this is all physical satisfaction. what about emotional? i want to be filial to my parents, i want to be loyal to my friends. end of the day, you still die, all that you've achieved in life still amounts to nothing. You know, without God in the picture, life is kind of meaningless. it just all ends with nothing. I'm sure every human being has a longing for more. like there's got to be more to life. there's got to be a purpose, there's got to be a reason. and only God can provide the answers to all of this question.

Something that pastor shared which i really liked. He said that some people say," show me Jesus and i'll believe that He exists." You know what? i dont think you'll know it's Him even if He really stands before you right this moment. you'll just think that He's some stranger. ever had a friend walk right pass you or sit right in front of you along the street or on a train and you did not see that person at all? there was once this very close friend of mine smsed me," you just walked right pass me and did not see me." guess what i was doing when i did not see her. i saw this average friend of mine and i decided to walk over to talk to her. all 3 of us were crossing the road. my close friend and this normal friend was crossing towards me and yet i saw my normal friend. What more to say if Jesus appeared at your door step this very instant and told you straight in your face," I am Jesus". i bet you'd still not believe because how would you know if He's really Jesus if you dont even know how He looks like or how He speaks in the first place? Very often it is not what is in front of us that makes the difference. It's what is revealed to us that makes the difference!

2009-06-13T23:58:00.002+08:00

okay, firstly, there are a lot of topics that i want to blog about. revelations that i had this week and some devotions and issues and stuff. but! secondly, i have to play with my new toy, thirdly, watch that recorded Aviva open semi finals, and fourth-ly, wake up early to usher tomorrow. life is so exciting! i'll blog about my thoughts some other time. hopefully by tomorrow cox it's just all filled in my mind. sayonara ppl! have a wonderful weekend!

2009-06-11T21:33:00.002+08:00

為甚麼神要賜給人朋友？是為了可以互相照應即扶持嗎？那如果你自己覺得幫不了他或他不想你幫，那不是會增加彼此的負擔嗎？我相信在我們生命里出現的每一個人都是上帝派來的，而在我們在世時他們也會在我們的人生中扮演等等的角色。越是親密，扮演的角色也就越是重要。

我自任是个蠻缺安全感的人。時不時腦袋里會想太多。最近我遇見了從前的一位朋友，一位令我想起蠻多往事的朋友，提醒了我朋友之間為彼此承擔的負擔不是應不應該，而是理所當然。朋友之間一定會為彼此而困惑。儘管自己或對方有再多的不願意，這種負擔是難免的。當不管之時也就是再也不想管的時後了。你知道嗎？這也是我最討厭的部份。想想看，一方面如果你一直為同一個人困惑但時時地沒辦法有突破，令一方面又在想著如果想就不管了，自己又覺得很難脫身，這樣一來其實自己是否比正面臨困境的人更辛苦呢？

okay, actually im speaking in parables. cox i dont even understand what i just typed. haha! Anw, just sth that i thought about on my way home. most of the time we change because of people, because of friends, because of family. God places people around us to help us change, like how iron sharpens iron. different people have different level of influence upon our lives and based on their influence, it will determine the level of change they will bring to us. because no two men are alike, we all have things that we ought to learn from each other and it's based on the level of intimacy of the relationship that we are able to learn from that person.

2009-06-09T20:15:00.002+08:00

okay, im gonna write in chinese today

電器是个很有趣的物品。它對我有一種莫名其妙的吸引力。在這之前我在 apple.com 看到了他們最新的 OSX snow leopard，令我真的真的很動心。尤其是他們在multi-touch trackpad 和種種系統上做的速度改進真令我想改近我的OS。我想我可能又要再次對電器上癮了。這絕對不是一個好的現象。

你知不知道圣靈也像電器一樣，有著相同的吸引力，也會令人著迷？

2009-06-05T00:10:00.002+08:00

oh man, im super tired. had a long long day and im going crazy. haha! i really want to go to sleep now but i have this mind-boggling question... is having attention so important? why do people desire to be noticed so much? why do they wish that people will notice every little thing they do? why do they feel rejected or sad when people do not recognise their works? Is there pride in their lives? or are they just insecure? what if they are unaware that they are insecure? how then do we help them? is there any other reasons other than pride and insecurity behind all these? hmm...

2009-06-02T20:40:00.001+08:00

i was looking at some parents going to pick their kids from the child care centre in e evening and i think that im a timid and insecure person.. hmm..

2009-05-31T20:03:00.002+08:00

I LOVE BADMINTON! i just had to scream that out cox i cannot contain that love within me anymore. hahaha!

okay, anyway i was just reminded of something which i thought is quite important while doing the sharing after service just now. DREAMS. It's what drives us. When it captures us, we find our lives driving forward as if there's a motor attached to us.

When we first receive Christ, we have a thousand and one things we want to accomplish for His kingdom. We look at the song leaders on the stage and aspire to song-lead like them one day. We look at pastor preaching and we want to be like him, to speak to thousands of people. We so often say that we want to win the world for Christ and week after week we just go on and on to our friends about Jesus. Has all this hype slowed down over the years? or did it stop?

I remembered when i first wanted to play guitar, i was in sec 3. i was so inspired by ziwei and his gift in worship leading during cell group meetings that i really want to be able to worship like him. Soon, i started practicing without even having a guitar. my right hand was my guitar neck and my left hand just practiced the chord fingerings on it. a few weeks later i bought a $30 guitar ad practiced chord changing and strumming on it. after i could press all e strings, i tried not looking, and after that i tried changing chords quickly. after i could do all that, my uncle came to me and bought me a $400 takamine acoustic guitar. A year after i started learning guitar, i became a cell group guitarist.

Doesn't all this just seem so fast? I attended this talk last week and the speaker said it's very important to know what you want so that people can help you get to your destination. I believe that is why my uncle bought me a guitar. so often we pray," God bless me.. God bless me..". What exactly do you want God to bless you with? How can He give us something when we dont even know what we're asking for? Also, I think that it is very important for our dreams to become REAL to us before it actually comes to pass. The Bible says that faith is the substance of things hoped for, evidence of things not seen. Which means that to say," I have faith that God is going to make this happen", it has first got to become real for us even before it has happened. To me, wanting to play guitar was so real that i could "play" even without a guitar. And when your dreams have come to that stage, it just seems like you're being propelled towards whatever you're dreaming of and you cannot control it.

perhaps the answer to spiritual stagnancy is that we've stopped dreaming?

Acts 2:17

And it shall come to pass in the last days, says God, that I will pour out of My Spirit on all flesh; Your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, Your young men shall see visions, Your old men shall dream dreams.

2009-05-25T21:27:00.002+08:00

I've been quite hardworking recently and im very happy about it! =) i need more games to play and more shows to watch. i want to run faster but i'm lazy to train. i want to do more pull ups. I'm addicted to this song " touch my body" cox it's just so funny. i want to buy a lot of things but i have no money. i want to go swimming and get my tan back.

can having too much knowledge really puff someone up? then is it considered as pride or is the person only very confident?

I want to unwind from all these studying and just go have fun but i dont know what i want to do. maybe i should fly to bangkok just to spend the weekend. that'd be so cool. if only money fell from the sky. time for correlation and regression tutorial! im gonna finish you and get started with functions! Pohee said that maths can either make someone very happy or very sad. So you'd better make me happy or i'll tear you into a million pieces!! wahahaha!

2009-05-19T21:32:00.002+08:00

okay, here's something which i seriously do not understand. why do people do things just for the sake of doing it? why do they not consider the consequences of their actions? why do they like to follow the crowd and let others determine what is cool and what's not? why cant people just face up to the fact when it's right before them? why do people think only for now but rarely for the future? do they know that many times the future is ruined all because of a wrong decision they choose to make just to satisfy a want or a need which is temporary? this just reminds me of the story of Esau and Jacob in the Bible.

Esau was the elder son so he had the birthright of the firstborn. One day, after Esau came home from hunting, Jacob had just finished cooking stew and Esau was very hungry. So, Esau asked if Jacob could give him some of his stew and Jacob said that he'd give it in exchange for Esau's birthright. And in a moment of foolishness, Esau said, " yes, why not? I'm so hungry i could die, what has this birthright got to benefit me?" (self-translated) Because of this, Esau allowed Jacob to rob him of his birthright which was so precious all because he only saw what he needed at that moment. How foolish is that? haix..

2009-05-17T19:24:00.000+08:00

my temper is going to be very short these few days. poke me and you're DEAD

2009-05-16T21:46:00.002+08:00

i dont understand how can somebody do something you detest, hate so many times in a row. i dont understand how can somebody totally ignore the fact that people are imperfect and they make mistakes. i just wanna get the hell out of this place. it's driving me crazy.

2009-05-07T20:42:00.001+08:00

"confused"

This totally explains how i'm feeling now. it's like a bunch of mixed feelings inside. it's not really because of my match today. but rather for all that i've been through, im confused. I'm a little ( really just a little) disappointed with my match today cox i thought i could win. but then again i did not train so.. ya, whatever. then comes the wrist problem which never fails to cripple me with fear of not being able to play like i used to. but i made 2 new frens today so im quite happy about it. However, this whole badminton journey has sort of come to an "end"? and frankly speaking, i dont know how to face it. I've never imagined life without competitive badminton before. and just being able to play for these 3 days at the nationals has just reminded me of how much i love this game. just when i'm just starting to get addicted once again to the sound of the game it's over.

I'm really so confused (my class is seriously gonna make this a joke man. but who cares, i'm really confused)

2009-05-07T20:28:00.000+08:00

24-26, 17-21

is this the end?

2009-05-06T19:50:00.003+08:00

humans are really forgetful. especially this stupid human being typing here now. sometimes i really wonder why am i so forgetful. forgetful of big things, little things. somehow i need to be continually reminded of the reasons why i do certain things or i'll start blaming all the shit around me on wrong things.

i'm just one confused person...

2009-05-05T22:25:00.003+08:00

okay, let me see how am i going to write this.. eh.. i decided to talk about this cox i read this blog post that the choir got silver for their SYF when they were hoping for a Gold and this choir member (whom i have no idea who is it) listed down all the "reasons" why they did not achieve the Gold.

Anyway, I played against Ajc today and ya.. i lost. it's damn difficult for me to admit this, so stop asking me if im okay. anw, i thought about it and i have "reasons" too. my "reason" is that i have no time to train, i was unfamiliar with the court, i've lost touch so naturally my skills have deteriorated. you know what's the best "reason"? it's because i injured my wrist and cannot control the shuttle direction and strength, that's why i keep making stupid mistakes like hitting out of court when she practically gave the game away! okay, i'm sorry this had to be a complaining post but i'm really going crazy.

2009-05-01T22:45:00.002+08:00

*this post is not supposed to come out until 12am but i need to sleep so.. ya*

okay, i'm totally imitating this from someone...

This post is specially dedicated to my dear twin who has stuck with me for the past half a decade (poor thing). haha! On this special day of yours I just wanna tell you how much i appreciate you being in my life. All the captain talk when we were a team, the 3am talks during the holidays, the uncle muthu crap when i was in bangkok, the long emails when i went USA, and of course the candy wonderland if you still remember. These are really precious memories that you've given to me over these years and I've really learnt a lot of things because of you. You are really an amazing friend with a solid strong character and it's because of you that i'm so crazily in love with badminton. Just want you to know that I'll always be there for you (except when im really busy). Okay, that's all.. Love you my dear twin sis! Happy Birthday!

2009-04-23T21:37:00.003+08:00

canoeing is addictive. as in it sort of comes in a package. like the sport and the team?

i was just hanging out with the canoeists these few days and i read the blogs of some canoeists from other schools. and i realised every body is saying the same things! it's always the.. how i miss the shed, miss my boat, miss my paddle, miss training, miss canoeing. ya, seriously, every body's addicted and i have no idea why. dont get me wrong. it's not that i'm not feeling that way. i am also starting to feel the addiction after nationals but i just have no idea what made us all feel this way.

Is the sport really so addictive? Are we so used to tough training that we feel all weird without running 4.3km? Is it because we're in JC and we put in more effort, we are more serious about our cca that we have this clingy feeling? Is it because we spend so much time together because of cca commitment that we just feel weird without seeing each other? or is it because of the emotional roller coaster we went on as a team during every one of our competitions that we have emotional ties bonded to each other?

hahaha! it's funny how different the feeling is comparing sec school and JC ccas. actually i wonder.. is it just canoeing or does every other cca in JC feel the same way as we do? I was just at badminton training yesterday and i saw how they laughed together and stuff and i just began to ask myself.. will they miss the team like how i'd miss mine after they step down? will they be proud that they had once been there done that? will i feel that same way I do now if i had joined some other cca? hahaha! okay, that's too many questions. anw, round two tomorrow! badminton training and canoeing training. wow.. I'm amazing. hahaha!

2009-04-17T23:47:00.003+08:00

Integrity & Dignity. since primary school i've been taught to choose the former. even in church im taught to forgive and forget. but can you really take it when you choose to make the "right" choice? or the more "big hearted" choice? sometimes it's just so unfair. why? why must the bad people always get their way but those who choose to walk the "right" path dont get what they deserve? why? is it really sufficient to know in my heart that im better and watch others get the reward? sometimes i just feel so indignant and confused. maybe i'm not "big" enough? parents always teach us that winning is not everything. maybe they should tell me that winning is nothing. people always say that as long as we've tried our best and have no regrets it's okay. even i tell people that. but somehow we all know that there's the "if only". why must it always be so close yet so far? is the reward really that important? it's just there, just a breath away, and it slipped right through. it was so real for a moment. all my life, i've never gotten so close to even dream of it and i saw it vanish before my eyes one after another.

Father God, what is it that You want to teach me?

2009-04-16T20:01:00.003+08:00

GO TPJCanoeist! GO PLASTEX!

hmm.. okay, i'm trying very hard to type now.

well, the competition's over for me. hmm.. what can i say.. I'm not really that sad cox i know my timing improved by more than 16 seconds over these 2 weeks. last week on a raptor it was 2.39 and yesterday on the new nelo vintage it was 2.23. today i was much faster on the new plastex olympic warrior but nobody timed me. anw, in good times i praise God, in bad times i will still choose to praise Him. cox if it's not for Him i wouldn't even be part of this wonderful adventure with this awesome team. This is indeed one of the seasons of my life which i will remember for a long long long time. and really, throughout this whole period i've grown and learnt so much about the way i look at things, the way i handle issues. so for all these things, i thank God that He has led me down this path and brought so many wonderful friends into my life.

2009-03-29T21:16:00.002+08:00

why do people come to church? because they see it as a social club where they can make friends? because their best friend or their "stead" is in church? because it's their "duty"? why do people stay in church? because they've made supposedly strong friendships? because it has become a routine in their lives?

well, i guess what i'm trying to say here is that i feel that many people are coming to church rather than coming to God. one thing i really like about pastor phil is his heart after God. he mentioned something which impacted me a lot during service.. " when was the last time you got carried away in the presence of God? when was the last time u got abandoned to God? " there can and should be only one reason why we come into the house of God. it's simply because we're so addicted to Him. Addicted to His love, His grace, His mercy, His presence. think of it as a friend you have. when you're very close to a person, don't you long to be where the person is? wont you hang around places where you know the person will turn up at? and just seeing Him makes your heart beat a little faster. you can't wait to tell the whole world all about Him even though sometimes u can't really explain everything about Him. His name is always on your lips and you just go on and on and on about Him.

I think it is impossible ( at least for me ) to stay in church without experiencing the love of God. so i salute those who are able to do what i deem to be impossible. cox they are able to bear all the misery they feel when they see people around them walking prosperous, happy, loving every bit of their life, when they themselves are wondering," what am i doing here? " and they're just "tahan-ing". it's just like having constipation. wow, that's sad.

But guess what? the truth is, the joy of the Lord is actually very easily obtainable. Just read His Word! Pray! Worship! ya, everybody says that. So why aren't some people listening? I know this sounds really stupid but it's actually what's going on in some people's mind. people actually say " wait awhile ", " maybe later ", " i'll do it when I'm free " to their very solution to happiness! do they really like their state of misery? or do they doubt that it actually works? come on, why forsake that 1 second of happiness for misery? Just do it! Try it out! don't let your christian walk be such a dreadful one. i remember when i first became a christian, people kept telling me what an ADVENTURE the christian walk is! so why just sit by the ride and watch people enjoy? join the ride and experience the fun!

Psalm 34:8

Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who trusts in Him!

2009-03-28T23:21:00.003+08:00

I think im being very "not myself" lately and i hate this feeling. it's like living life dreadfully. not knowing what i want, not knowing what i need, plus all the little things that add to this stupid feeling. this is just so not me. haix..

2009-03-25T23:02:00.002+08:00

had cross country nationals today.. hmm.. interesting experience. was supposed to have bio paper after my cross country but er.. i guess the teacher forgot all about it? haha! i didn't know it was possible but it happened anyway. so im gonna go sleep now and take my paper tomorrow morning=)